“You are so seductive.”
“...”
The old woman looked at Li Ang, then at the security camera located high at the intersection.
The deep, gully-like wrinkles on her face twitched violently a few times. Her pale lips moved, but
in the end, she didn't say anything. She took an almost imperceptible step back, lowered her head, and pretended she hadn't seen Li Ang.
She wouldn't mind an extra meal now and then,
but this was under a security camera. Considering the Special Affairs Bureau pursuit that might follow, she should endure it for now.
The old woman remained silent. Li Ang took a step forward, pretended to let out a long, drunken hiccup, and asked with concern, "What's wrong? Why aren't you talking? Did my armpit sweat get to you?"
What the hell armpit sweat? Would you die if you didn't talk?
A thousand alpacas stampeded through the old woman's mind. After taking a few deep breaths, she decided to ignore this drunkard who seemed to be acting crazy.
Li Ang raised his arm, sniffed his armpit, and confirmed that there was no smell.
He then angrily questioned her, "There's no smell. Why won't you talk to me? Are you looking down on me? I'm telling you, I'm a VIP QQ Green Diamond member. No one can ignore me."
Well, aren't you special.
The corner of the old woman's eye twitched as she turned her head away.
Finally, the green light came on. She took her cloth bag, shakily stepped down the stairs, and walked onto the crosswalk.
Li Ang followed closely behind, catching up in a few steps and walking alongside her.
He lifted his legs high, waved his arms frantically, pretended to sprint, and hummed the theme song from the movie *Rocky*, "Gonna Fly Now."
“Deng deng deng~~ deng deng deng~ deng deng deng~~ deng deng deng~”
This song was inspiring, passionate, and positive, perfect for listening to while night jogging,
but to the old woman's ears, it was nothing but noise.
Unconsciously, she quickened her pace. Li Ang also slowly accelerated, keeping shoulder to shoulder with her.
The old woman, feeling like a thousand flies were buzzing in her ears, was extremely annoyed. A flame of malice and anger suddenly rose in her heart.
She just kept her head down and moved forward. The moment she stepped onto the stairs after finishing the crosswalk, she pretended to slip and fall, staggering to the ground.
Crack—
The sound of bones colliding was particularly clear in the quiet, empty intersection.
"Aiyo, aiyo..."
The old woman cried out in pain, scooted to the side of the road, sat on the steps, and shook her ankle while holding it.
Seeing this, Li Ang took a step back and pretended to be terrified. "Grandma, I didn't touch you. Don't try to scam me. There are security cameras here."
"Aiyo."
The old woman weakly groaned a few times while holding her ankle, and sighed, "Young man, you didn't hit me. I just slipped. Alas, people become useless when they get old."
"Hey, you can't say that. An old steed in the stable still aspires to travel a thousand *li*."
Li Ang consoled her, "Old Mister Zhang, who used to live across from my house, loved boxing since he was a kid. He could still do two or three sets of military boxing when he was in his seventies.
Last time, his grandson hanged himself on the electric fan in the living room. The moment he kicked away the chair, Old Mister Zhang got excited and put on his boxing gloves."
???
The old woman opened her mouth, not knowing what to say for a moment. After a long while, she took a breath and said faintly, "Young man, I've sprained my foot. Could you trouble yourself to take me home?"
"What do you want to do?"
Li Ang instantly became alert, covered his chest, and said, "I'm warning you, I'm not just any kind of person.
Last time, I had an online relationship with a middle-aged woman. She pulled on my sleeve and said that we should go to her house at night, and have a heart-to-heart talk with her and her daughter. My heart was pounding, and without even thinking,
I agreed immediately.
But when I went there that night, I saw the middle-aged woman's seventy-year-old mother sitting in front of the mirror, putting on heavy makeup..."
Heart-to-heart talk, my ass! Who wants to sleep with you!!!
Why don't you take a piss and look at yourself?!
The old woman's urge to retort was almost overflowing. She suppressed her almost distorted expression and forced a smile. "Young man, you're thinking too much. I just want you to help me get home.
Alas, my son and daughter are both out of town, and there's really no one at home. Or, I can pay you some money?"
"Money?"
Li Ang's expression straightened, and he frowned and rebuked, "Grandma, that's not right of you. I already said that talking about money hurts our feelings. Who are we to each other? Just give me a five million yuan down payment first."
"...." The old woman found it hard to maintain her smile. "Will five hundred do?"
"Whoa, you're really a master haggler."
Li Ang nodded, walked up to her, squatted down, and stretched his hands behind him. "Get on."
"Mm..."
A subtle smile flashed across the old woman's face. She slowly stood up on one foot and climbed onto Li Ang's back.
Li Ang weighed her for a moment and slowly stood up. He looked around the intersection. "Which direction is your house?"
"That way." The old woman pointed northwest and said softly, "It's just a few blocks ahead."
The northwest was a shantytown, filled with old houses that were twenty or thirty years old. The roads were narrow, the houses were low, and there were many blind spots for surveillance cameras.
That was where she was temporarily staying.
"Okay, are you ready? Thomas the Tank Engine is starting!"
Li Ang lifted his legs high and charged forward. The old woman only felt the wind whistling in her ears and could hardly open her eyes.
So fast!
After rushing out only a few dozen meters, Li Ang suddenly slowed down and gasped for breath. "Aiyo, I'm exhausted. Grandma, now it's your turn to carry me."
?????
The old woman on Li Ang's back looked bewildered, blinked her eyes, and tried her best to act "innocent."
Fortunately, he was just joking and didn't throw the old woman to the ground.
Li Ang slowed down and carried the old woman on his back, talking casually. "Grandma, what's your surname?"
The old woman was worried that she would be thrown to the ground if she didn't answer, so after hesitating for a moment, she said, "...Hu."
Li Ang nodded. "I'm not asking if you're happy. I'm asking what your surname is."
Veins popped out on the old woman's forehead. "My surname is Hu!"
Li Ang frowned. "I know you're happy. I'm asking what your surname is, understand? Surname, that's the first character of a person's name."
The old woman felt her blood pressure rising again. "My surname is Hu... Gu Yue Hu (古月胡)."
"Oh, now I understand," Li Ang nodded. "Grandma Gu Yue Hu, where's your husband?"
"Dead." The old woman replied unhappily. "He drowned while electrofishing."
"Ah? Sorry, sorry. I touched a sore spot."
Li Ang said with empathy, "Alas, I used to like electrofishing in the countryside as well.
After I came to the city, I kept thinking about how to relive the feeling of electrofishing. Unfortunately, the swimming pool manager at the Civic Center wouldn't let me go into the water with an electrofishing machine on my back."