My name is Xie Qin An. My father chose this name for me casually.
I am from Shang Yang Town, Sheng Qi Kingdom.
Auntie Tao Tao told me that when I was born, my mother had a difficult labor. My father rushed into the delivery room in a panic, almost pulling me directly out of my mother's womb.
Fortunately, in the end, mother and son were both safe.
My father was a cold man. He was only different towards my mother, and I could feel that from a young age.
"Auntie Tao Tao, where have Mama and Papa gone?"
"I heard they went to Xi Liu City to visit old friends."
The five-year-old boy was unusually clever.
"Then when will they be back? An An is so bored!"
I pouted at Tao Tao.
The boy's fair face looked very cute.
Looking at me, Tao Tao shook her head helplessly, then put down what she was doing and sat beside me.
They all said that my appearance resembled my father, but my personality was like my mother's.
"Then will Auntie Tao Tao play with you?"
I succeeded with a smile and moved closer to her.
"That's great! Auntie Tao Tao, can you tell me stories about Papa and Mama?"
The little person's eyes sparkled with anticipation, as if extremely curious.
"Well, Auntie Tao Tao doesn't know much about that. You should ask your Mama; she'll know best..."
I pouted slightly, a little unhappy, but after thinking about it, I finally gave up.
"Alright then... Then who gave me my name?"
Recalling this, Tao Tao looked at my face and hesitated.
"Auntie Tao Tao, just tell me..." I pleaded with her relentlessly, and finally got her to speak.
"Young master, your name was given by your master's husband."
"Then why is it this name?"
I was even more curious, as this was the name given by my heartless father.
"It's... because the young lady had a difficult labor back then, and the master's husband was extremely worried, almost..."
Tao Tao's words trailed off. She couldn't tell the child such a cruel truth.
The master's husband had gone mad with anxiety then, almost saying to prioritize saving the mother.
Fortunately, the young lady insisted, and the young master was safely delivered.
"Young master, your name means that you will be safe and sound!"
"Then why not call me Qi An?"
My name is Qin An.
Wouldn't Qi An sound better?
Tao Tao was suddenly choked, and I could see that she had things she didn't want to tell me.
So I didn't dwell on it. I could see that my father's feelings for my mother far surpassed his feelings for me.
"Young master, where are you going?"
"I'm going to find Grandpa!"
I ran out and never brought up the matter again.
Qin An, Qin An, it should mean wishing mother safety.
Like my father, I deeply love Mama, so I really like this name.
Grandpa usually doted on me the most. My uncle and aunt had no children, and I am the only child in the Qin family now. Therefore, everyone in the Qin family treated me as the future head of the Qin family.
But I didn't want to stay in Shang Yang Town for my whole life. I wanted to go out and see the world.
Papa and Mama finally returned from Xi Liu City. I seemed to hear this name often, so I developed a longing for it.
One day, I will go there too.
To see what the places where the stories in Mama's storybooks happened are like.
Mama had a thick notebook, in which many stories were recorded. From Shang Yang Town to Li Jia Village, then to Xi Liu City, Chun Feng Du, and a place I had never heard of, An Zhou.
The last place was the Imperial City.
Of course, that was not the end. The end was still Shang Yang Town.
I always liked to sneak into Mama's room to peek at this notebook, because the stories inside were so interesting and made me very curious.
Mama and Papa were back.
Auntie Tao Tao told me that I would soon have a younger brother or sister.
Mama was very happy, and I was also very happy, because I lived alone in this mansion and was very bored. I wanted someone to accompany me.
Everyone in the Qin family was happy, except for my Papa.
I often saw him staring at Mama's belly in a daze, with fear, regret, and heartache in his eyes.
I suddenly remembered what Auntie Tao Tao had told me earlier, that Mama almost didn't make it when she gave birth to me.
Papa must have been worried about this...
I often saw Papa coaxing Mama. Sometimes Mama would be so angry with Papa that she wouldn't talk to him. Even though they were in the same house, I would have to run back and forth to relay messages.
Auntie Tao Tao told me that this was "boudoir fun."
I didn't understand. What was "boudoir fun"?
She told me that when I grew up, I would understand.
But when would I be considered grown up?
I suddenly became more expectant.
This time, Mama was pregnant again, and Papa watched her more closely than ever before. He guarded Mama almost every day, not letting her out of his sight.
A few times, I saw Papa, such a cold person, holding Mama in his arms, shedding tears and crying like a child.
I had never cried in Mama's arms like that!
I told Auntie Tao Tao about this, and she immediately blushed.
"You're just a child, don't talk nonsense!" She shooed me away, saying I was spouting nonsense.
But I really always saw Papa lying in Mama's arms, like a spoiled child.
This time, the labor was very smooth.
Everyone in our family breathed a sigh of relief.
It was a girl.
I was so happy, I have a sister!
I ran around the courtyard. I saw Papa holding that tiny bundle in his arms, so carefully, the coldness on his face gradually melting away, becoming somewhat gentle.
I didn't understand why Papa liked my sister so much.
Later, when I grew up, I understood. Because my sister resembled Mama so much, one loved the other. Even someone as indifferent as Papa was extremely gentle to my sister.
At that time, I still didn't understand why Papa favored Mama so much.
He was such a cold person!
This year, I am fifteen years old.
My sister is only ten. She always follows me, her voice soft and sweet, calling me "Gege" (older brother).
My sister's name was given by Mama. She named her Xie Chang Huan, with the nickname Jiu Jiu.
Mama's name is Qin Yun Wan, but for some reason, Papa always called her Ah Jiu, or Little Jiu Er.
I didn't understand why Mama liked this name so much that she used it as her daughter's nickname.
But later, I found out that not only Papa called Mama Jiu Jiu, but my uncle and aunt, whom I had never met, also called her that.
Aunt Jin also called her that.