Chapter 46: Why do I disgust those that like me?
"Ouch," Augustine winced in pain, quickly rolling out of the bed.
His hand shot up to cover his mouth as he rushed toward the bathroom, his steps hurried.
Once inside, he turned on the tap of the bathroom sink, the cold water splashing into his hands as he tried to soothe the sting from the blow.
Scoffed.
Charles scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "Next time he shouldn’t play stupid games around me." He spat coldly, wrapping his hands across his chest as his gaze remained fixed on the ceiling.
Two minutes later, Augustine stepped out of the bathroom, his hand still wrapped around his mouth. "Charles, what was that for?" Augustine probed.
Charles rolled his eyes, ignoring Augustine’s question completely.
Meanwhile, Augustine walked over to where he had kept his first aid box.
His movements were slow and deliberate, as if he were trying to compose himself after the unexpected blow.
He picked up his first aid box and carefully made his way back to the bed, placing the first aid box on the bedside table.
Augustine opened the box, his fingers grazing over the items inside before pulling out a small bottle of disinfectant and a cotton wool stick.
The sharp scent of antiseptic filled the air as he dabbed the cotton with the solution, wincing slightly as he applied it to his swollen lip.
Augustine tried to ignore the storm of emotions swirling in his chest, and the nagging questions about why Charles had reacted the way he did.
Panicked...
Charles slowly averted his gaze from the ceiling and noticed Augustine tending to his lip injury.
His eyes widened in realization. "Did... did I injure you?" Charles stuttered, quickly jumping out of bed.
He hurried out of the room and over to the kitchen, grabbing a bowl and napkin to help.
Minutes later, Charles rushed back into the bedroom, squatting beside Augustine. "Remove your hand from your lip so I can clean the injury before disinfecting it." He gently uttered, his gaze focused on the blood trickling down Augustine’s lip, the torn skin clearly visible.
Augustine didn’t resist Charles; he allowed him to clean the bloodstain.
Afterward, Charles disinfected the injury, carefully placing a plaster over it to protect the wound.
"Where should I keep the first aid box?" Charles warmly questioned.
Augustine sighed, shaking his head sideways. "Just leave it there." He shrugged. "By the way, why did you hit me?"
Charles gulped, his throat tight with emotion as he sank onto the floor. "You... you made me feel so shitty, Augustine," he whispered, his voice cracking.
Tears welled up in his eyes, slowly spilling down his cheeks as he let the words slip out, each one heavier than the last.
Charles blinked, forcing himself to remain strong and at the same time, he forced the tears not to roll down from his eyes.
"Hey," Charles purred, rising from the bed as he also sat down on the floor.
They locked eyes, both feeling the weight of the silence between them. "I don’t know how I made you feel shitty, and I also don’t know what you expect me to say to make it right," Augustine admitted, his voice softer than usual.
He wasn’t one to offer empty words, and he struggled to find the right ones now, unsure of how to ease the tension or heal the hurt he’d caused.
"Au.. Augustine." Charles called out, his voice barely above a whisper as his words trailed after each syllables. Charles’s voice wavered, heavy with emotion. "At my place of work, I accidentally.... I accidentally bumped into Aubrey, and the coffee she was holding spilled onto her. I apologized immediately, and likewise my friend, Freda." He paused for a while, bitting onto his lower lips as his hands began to tremble in rage.
"I... I really didn’t mean to bump into Aubrey, but she spilled the remaining cup of coffee on me. Then she went ahead to insult me and Freda, calling us names. And then... and then she slapped me, threw water at me, threw her heels at me but all you did when you came was say we were disturbing your company. You... you fucking looked at me like I was nothing, just like Aubrey did."
Charles words broke as the tears which he was holding finally rolled down from his eyes, the frustration and helplessness of all that transpired overwhelming him.
He sniffed his nose, using the back of his hands to wipe the tears stain on his cheek. "You behaved like if I disgust you and... and your cold gaze made me feel disgusted at myself," Charles mumbled, playing with his fingernails as he averted his gaze away from Augustine.
"Everyone... their eyes were all on me, and I felt so vulnerable," Charles continued, his voice breaking with the weight of his emotions. "I just wanted to disappear, to have the ground open up and swallow me whole... but it didn’t." He buried his face in his hands, the sobs wracking through him uncontrollably, as he relived the humiliation he had felt.
Since his head was now facing the ground with his hands buried in his face, the tears from his eyes dripped down into his glasses, blurring his vision even more.
The weight of everything—the humiliation, the isolation—pressed down on Charles, making it feel like there was no escape from the overwhelming sadness that gripped him.
"For a moment, I wondered if I truly... If I truly disgust you. Do I disgust you when we kissed ealier today?" Charles questioned and without waiting for a reply, he continued pouring his heart. "I keep asking myself why the people who say they like me always end up... they always end up seeing me as disgusting. My ex, Anna, was disgusted... she was disgusted with me on the day I caught her cheating... and now... I don’t know... I just don’t know what to do. I just want to disappear." Charles sobbed.
Augustine’s heart ached as he listened to Charles’s broken words, feeling the weight of his pain.
He could see the depth of Charles’s inner turmoil, the scars left by past betrayals and humiliations.
Augustine own chest tightened, and he struggled to find the right words to comfort him.
Seeing Charles this vulnerable, so raw and unguarded, made Augustine’s usual confident demeanor feel inadequate in comparison.
So having no other option, he spread out his hands wide and pulled Charles in for a warm hug, allowing Charles to peacefully sob on his body.
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