Chapter 58: The family invansion
Li Ming was finally enjoying a rare peaceful morning at the sect. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the disciples were arguing over who got the comfiest training mats. For once, life seemed... normal.
Until it wasn’t.
"LI MING!"
The voice boomed like a cannon, shaking the entire courtyard. Li Ming froze. His heart skipped a beat. He knew that voice.
He peeked at the sect gates and nearly fainted. A full-blown army of chaos had arrived: Grandma Li charging like a tornado, Grandpa Li pacing like a general, Auntie balancing baskets of food, Li Mei spinning a stick around her head like a weapon, and a few villagers who looked far too excited for someone else’s suffering.
"Grandson!" Grandma Li shouted, grabbing Li Ming and pinching both cheeks like she was kneading dough.
Li Ming gasped. "I... can’t... breathe!"
Grandpa Li stomped forward, pointed at the disciples, and declared, "These are your friends? They look weak! You must train harder to protect them!"
The disciples froze. Some dove behind trees. One junior disciple fainted entirely.
Li Ming’s mother smiled proudly. "They insisted on coming. They want to see how their little chicken-fighting genius is doing!"
Li Ming groaned. "No... no... why?! Why me?!"
Li Mei bounced forward. "Yes, Big Brother! They want to see cabbage flying!"
Li Ming’s soul left quietly. I can’t survive this...
---
Grandma Li immediately started inspecting everything. She poked the wooden dummies, sniffed the training mats, and even tapped the broom in Li Ming’s hand.
"These aren’t aligned correctly! Do you even cultivate?" she demanded.
Li Ming blinked. "Uh... I think so?"
Grandpa Li circled him like a judge at a competition. "Show us your new technique!"
Li Ming panicked. He had just developed a move called Bun Fling Fury, which was basically throwing buns at enemies in precise chaos. It had never been shown in front of family before.
Before he could protest, Grandma Li grabbed a cabbage from a basket. "No! You must demonstrate cabbage flying! A true Li never forgets!"
Li Ming’s jaw dropped. "I... that was one time..."
"Impossible!" Auntie shouted. "Show us now!"
The disciples stared in horror. Some hid behind statues. One even whispered, "We’re going to die watching this..."
Li Ming had no choice. He held the cabbage like a sword, squared his shoulders, and jumped.
For a glorious half-second, he hovered in the air. Then—WHAM!—he tripped on his own robe and landed face-first in a pile of herbs.
Grandma Li clapped. "Ah! Still has spirit!"
Li Ming groaned, trying to wipe dirt off his face. Why is surviving my family harder than facing a hundred demons?
---
Grandpa Li wasn’t done.
"Now! Lift these!" He dragged two enormous water buckets over to him.
Li Ming’s eyes widened. "Grandpa... that’s... heavy..."
"You must! Strength and balance, elegance and..." Grandpa flailed dramatically, trying to sound wise.
Li Ming gritted his teeth and lifted the buckets with trembling arms. They wobbled like jelly. He staggered in every direction, accidentally splashing water on the spectators.
"Perfect form!" Grandma Li cheered. "See! Discipline and technique!"
Li Mei ran around, swinging her stick, shouting battle cries. "Defend yourself, Big Brother!"
The disciples tried to look serious but were already rolling on the ground laughing.
Li Ming yelled, "I... AM... IMMORTAL!" and stumbled over a stray cabbage, falling flat on his back.
Grandpa Li clapped. "Excellent! You honor the family!"
Li Ming silently wished he could teleport into another dimension.
---
Then came Auntie’s idea of "family bonding."
"Time for a duel!" she declared.
Li Mei, armed with a frying pan she had smuggled from the kitchen, pointed at him. "Prepare to face the ultimate kitchen technique!"
Li Ming groaned. "Not again... food fights are not martial arts!"
The courtyard erupted. Cabbages, buns, and dumplings were flying everywhere as Li Ming tried desperately to dodge while explaining, "This is a misunderstanding!"
Li Shan, one of the cousins who had tagged along, whispered, "I think... this is a new sect technique?"
Li Ming muttered under his breath, "It’s called surviving your family."
By the time the chaos ended, Li Ming was covered in flour, cabbage leaves, and dumpling sauce. Even the chickens looked at him in pity.
Grandpa Li nodded. "Excellent! Truly a Li warrior!"
Li Ming collapsed on the ground. "...I can’t... live... like this..."
---
Grandpa Li, holding a broom like a staff, nodded solemnly. "A Li cultivator must master balance... and chaos."
Li Ming blinked. "Master chaos? You mean survive your family?"
"Yes!" Grandpa shouted. "Now, time for the next test!"
Li Ming’s soul quietly left his body.
---
The next "test" involved a series of obstacles that looked suspiciously like every possible kitchen and garden item combined: frying pans, cabbage piles, dumpling trays, and even a rogue chicken from the coop.
Li Mei bounced in front of him. "First, dodge the flying buns!"
Li Ming sighed. "Are you kidding me?!"
Buns flew everywhere. Li Ming rolled, ducked, and somehow managed to deflect three with his broom. A stray cabbage hit Li Shan squarely in the face. Everyone laughed so hard the courtyard almost shook.
Grandma Li clapped. "Excellent form!"
Li Ming muttered, "If surviving the tournament was like this, I’d have been dead days ago..."
---
Then Grandpa Li decided it was time for a full-scale sparring match.
Li Ming looked up. "What?!"
"Everyone!" Grandpa shouted. "Attack him at once! Test his reflexes and courage!"
The disciples scattered nervously. They didn’t want to get hit by flying vegetables or buns. But the Li family charged, armed with sticks, pans, and random kitchenware.
Li Ming dodged like a panicked cat. A rolling cabbage nearly knocked him over, and Auntie somehow managed to throw a dumpling that landed perfectly in his hair.
Li Ming screamed, "I... AM... IMMORTAL!"
A junior disciple whispered, "I think this is... new martial arts?"
Li Ming muttered, "It’s called ’avoiding death at all costs.’"
By the end of the chaos, he was sprawled on the ground again, completely covered in food, with the family cheering over him like he’d won a tournament.
---
Grandma Li wasn’t done. She pulled a large bag from her basket. "Now, the ultimate challenge!"
Li Ming’s heart stopped. "Ultimate... challenge? I’ve had enough!"
Out came a giant, glowing cabbage.
"This," Grandma Li said, pointing at it dramatically, "is the Legendary Flying Cabbage! Catch it mid-air, and you will prove your true Li potential!"
Li Ming froze. "Wait—this is... glowing?!"
"Yes!" Auntie added. "It was blessed by the village elder!"
Li Ming’s mind screamed. I am going to die, aren’t I...
He held out his arms and tried to catch it. The cabbage flew wildly, spinning like a miniature tornado. Li Ming jumped, ducked, somersaulted, and somehow got tangled in his own robes.
The cabbage slipped from his hands, ricocheted off a frying pan, hit Li Mei in the head, and rolled toward the sect’s training pond.
Li Ming’s eyes widened. "No! Not the pond!"
Grandpa Li laughed. "This is perfect! Your reaction speed is phenomenal!"
Li Ming groaned, sliding across the courtyard in a desperate attempt to grab it.
---
Just as he reached the pond...
He slipped on a stray dumpling.
The cabbage bounced off his back, hit a tree, and landed perfectly in the hands of... a wandering senior disciple who had been hiding the entire time.
Li Ming’s mouth dropped. "Wait... what?!"
The family erupted in laughter. "Behold! The flying cabbage has been captured! Truly, our grandson is remarkable!"
Li Ming facepalmed. "I... am... cursed..."
And then, at that exact moment, something unexpected happened.
From the top of the sect’s training hall, a shadowy figure appeared. A loud, sinister laugh echoed across the courtyard.
Li Ming froze. "Who... what... is that?!"
Grandpa Li squinted. "Hmm... that is... not good."
The shadowed figure stepped forward, and the disciples gasped.
Li Ming’s face turned pale. "No... no... it can’t be happening... not now!"
The scene froze for a moment. The cabbage sat abandoned on the ground. The family cheered, oblivious. But Li Ming knew deep down... this new visitor was trouble beyond any cabbage, bun, or flying dumpling he’d ever faced.
And with that, the Grandparent Gauntlet suddenly had a much, much bigger problem...
To be continued...