Chapter 72: Chapter 72: The Old Man’s Self-Reflection
Watching Mr. Gu and Mrs. Gu walk out the door, Gu Xiaoqing, Gu Xiaoying, and Gu Xiaojie embraced Gu Ruhai, cheering loudly.
"Dad, you’re amazing, you’re truly the hero in our hearts."
This was perhaps the sweetest thing Gu Ruhai had ever heard, marking the first time he felt proud of himself.
He patted the children’s heads, feeling a complex array of emotions.
Seeing the distant figures of his parents, he felt somewhat uncomfortable inside.
Although the children’s admiration replaced this guilt, it still brought Gu Ruhai a hint of regret.
Li Xuemei clapped her apron and called out, "Kids, dinner’s ready."
The family dispersed to busy themselves.
Mr. Gu and Mrs. Gu returned home, closed the door, and sat in silence under the electric light on the kang.
Mrs. Gu was too aggrieved to cook, pulled the quilt over herself, and lay on the kang without making a sound.
Mr. Gu sat gloomily on the stool, smoking his cigarette.
Smoky rings spread around the room, and Mr. Gu felt stifled.
Years of memories played out before him like scenes from a play.
When did our favoritism towards Gu Ruhai start?
Initially, Gu Ruhai was my first son, and I had high hopes for him. I even fantasized about raising him to be a knowledgeable, capable man.
Indeed, I once had many expectations for Gu Ruhai.
But when he was born, he wasn’t as bright as other children, always a bit slow and clumsy. Others learned to sit and crawl in just a few months, but Gu Ruhai just couldn’t get the hang of it, always falling and unable to get back up, no matter how tirelessly I taught him.
This wasn’t a major issue, many said it was okay for children to learn things later.
Mr. Gu also realized he was perhaps too anxious.
But when he was a year old and still not talking, only speaking his first word "Mom" at three, Mr. Gu was thoroughly disappointed.
This child is foolish and clumsy.
If I couldn’t see that, I’d be even more foolish.
And so it went.
The eldest was always a step behind others, never thinking through anything, lacking all the virtues I valued, except obedience.
Thus, Mr. Gu’s dream of a distinguished next generation was shattered.
Then the second was born, and in the following year, the third arrived.
These two sons brought all sorts of joy that overshadowed my disappointments.
Furthermore, these two were evidently far more likable than Gu Ruhai.
Early speakers, and their words were very sweet.
The third showed remarkable talent in learning, seizing all of Mr. Gu’s attention.
This was hope.
And that’s when things began to change.
Mr. Gu began unconsciously treating them differently.
The second and third were always given privileges, even amidst hardship; even a single egg would be shared between them.
But the eldest, being six years older, naturally bore the burdens of an elder brother, enduring hardships.
This was the village’s mindset.
Hence, Gu Ruhai always did the most work, ate the least, never having any special treatment, not even on his birthday.
Something as luxurious as an egg was only tasted by the second and third brothers.
Mr. Gu wasn’t blind to the envy in Gu Ruhai’s gaze as the second and third savored those tender eggs. He did feel a twinge of pity, for after all, he was still a child.
And his own child.
But once he turned to see Gu Ruhai’s clumsy actions and silent demeanor, Mr. Gu instantly reaffirmed his thoughts.
He’s just a slow-witted person for life.
No matter how much hope he had for the family’s prosperity, only the second and third could realize it.
Thus, naturally, the second and third received more attention and care.
Under Mr. Gu’s influence, Mrs. Gu too became increasingly extreme.
The eldest never attended school, because both Mr. Gu and Mrs. Gu deemed him too foolish, not worth wasting the family’s money on education.
In a poor household with three sons, life was predictably hard.
So to fulfill Mr. Gu’s aspirations, someone had to make sacrifices.
And that someone, unreservedly, was Gu Ruhai.
Days turned to months, months turned to years, and everything unfolded thus.
Mr. Gu increasingly failed to notice Gu Ruhai’s hopeful eyes, seeing more of a resigned acceptance.
As a result, Mr. Gu, Mrs. Gu, the second, and third naturally assumed their roles.
This seemed to be the rule, perhaps even fate.
But who knew the grievances Gu Ruhai harbored inside?
Mr. Gu felt a pang in his heart.
This child, aware even when unseen, wasn’t truly foolish, not oblivious.
The countless small moments over those years, the favoritism from both himself and his wife, the better food and drink always reserved for the second and third, and even in the most food-scarce years, the eldest always had watery gruel in his bowl.
Mr. Gu sighed.
He was so biased, it’s no wonder the child is rebelling now.
Anyone suppressed so harshly would likely resist.
Mr. Gu sighed repeatedly, filled with sudden regret and reflection.
Mrs. Gu abruptly threw off the quilt and got up, slapping the cigarette from Mr. Gu’s hand, and exploded, "What are you doing? All you do is sigh. Didn’t you promise to make the eldest yield today? What’s the plan now? What about the second’s land?"
Mrs. Gu was furious with Gu Ruhai’s defiance today.
She returned counting on Mr. Gu to devise a plan, yet all she heard were continuous sighs, unable to vent the anger inside.
Mr. Gu glanced at the cigarette knocked to the floor, feeling somewhat relieved.
After all, they’ve lived this way for so long; even with some guilt, the old man had lost the urge to change anything.
"Let it be. No matter how much you argue, it’s already like this. What more do you want? Didn’t you hear what the eldest said today? From now on, people will make their own decisions, so don’t interfere anymore. The second’s family should also chip in; no one owes another, just take it easy."
Mrs. Gu glared, "I can’t believe it, is the eldest really so heartless? This is his brother."
Mr. Gu shook his head, waved his hand, "Enough about it. That’s his brother, not his father. The brother’s son is over twenty already, save it. Isn’t it enough to be laughed at by the villagers for Gu Xiaocheng? Calm down."