Chapter 257: The Weight of Two Lives
[Divine Library—Lavinia’s POV—Continuation]
The words "...because of me" echoed like a curse in my head, twisting everything I thought I knew. My hands trembled as fragments of memory flashed before me—memories I had thought were from a novel.
Rey... in that memory, he was the one who passed the poison to Caelum. He was said to be greedy, willing to do anything for money. My chest thudded violently as I glanced at him. The calm, unreadable Archmage before me now—he had been that man before.
He stepped closer, voice steady but laced with something I couldn’t name. "I have been searching for you all this time, Princess... even in your last life. Because you were tied to Rakshar."
I froze, every instinct screaming. "What... what do you mean?"
Rey’s eyes darkened with memory, shadowed and sorrowful. "As Supreme Archmage, my ancestors always served the Master of Rakshar. In your last life... I worked as a guild master. I found the egg of Rakshar, thinking it would lead me to you. But... it did not. Something... unnatural had severed the threads of your fate as Rakshar’s master."
I furrowed my brows, panic tightening around my chest. "Severed... threads of my fate?"
He shook his head, voice dropping lower, almost a whisper. "Yes, Princess... someone interfered. Someone used something rotten to steal your destiny."
My eyes widened, disbelief burning through me. "What?"
Rey nodded solemnly. "While I was guild master... Caelum came to me and purchased a poison. At the time, I didn’t know it was meant for you. But after your death... Rakshar’s egg began to shatter. It signified that its master—the one it was bound to—had perished."
I stared at him, numb.
"But..." Rey continued, his voice tight, deliberate, heavy with regret, "Rakshar has the power to restore its master... to turn back time. With the help of your father and Rakshar, we did it. We brought you back. But... everything has consequences, Princess. Consequences that you must bear, because it was for you alone."
I whispered, voice trembling, "Consequences...?"
His gaze met mine, unwavering, and I felt the weight of his words like chains around my chest. "Yes. The burdens, the pain... the memories you carry—they are yours because you were returned. Since the moment you came back, Princess... they have been yours to bear. You must’ve faced something."
And then the realization hit like a brick. Panic rising, the cold marble beneath me biting into my palms as I sank to the floor. "No... no... don’t tell me it’s... it’s—"
"What is it, Princess?" Rey asked.
"I... I remember my past life." My voice cracked, almost a sob.
Rey’s brow furrowed, a hint of grief in his voice. "Yes... this is your second life, as Lavinia. You were given a chance to live again."
I cut him off, shaking my head violently. "No... not as Lavinia. Not with this face, not in this world. One life... different life... different me!"
Silence stretched, heavy and suffocating. My knees trembled, and my fingers dug into the cold marble as though I could anchor myself to something solid. But there was nothing. Nothing familiar. Nothing safe.
The realization slammed into me like a tidal wave.
I am the real Lavinia. This isn’t a book world. This isn’t a story someone wrote to entertain themselves.
I was abandoned. Truly abandoned.
Osric chose someone else. My father... left me. Everything I had once dismissed as fiction, as novelized fantasy... had been reality. My heart ached with every remembered betrayal, every whispered cruelty, every stolen joy.
I pressed my face to my knees, shivering uncontrollably, the cold marble biting through my dress and into my skin. The weight of the truth pressed down on me like iron chains.
I had lived once... and suffered. And now... I was forced to remember it all. Every betrayal, every stolen joy, every shadow of despair. The library held its breath, utterly silent, as if even the centuries-old walls were afraid to witness what I was feeling.
Rey stood quietly, his eyes dark and unreadable, but they burned with something I couldn’t name. He just watched. And I... I stared at the floor, hollow-eyed, like a girl who had lost her reflection.
"...His Majesty is rushing here, Princess," Rey whispered, his voice soft, careful, and almost breaking.
I didn’t move. My fingers dug into the marble, gripping like claws, trying to anchor myself to something solid. Slowly, trembling, I raised my head and stood. My legs shook as I walked toward the door. Every step felt heavy, like dragging my heart behind me.
Rey’s voice came again, gentle but firm. "Princess..."
I paused.
He continued, "Please... don’t forget. Emperor... and Osric... they weren’t at fault. Your fate... it was stolen... and they suffered as well."
I didn’t nod. I didn’t speak. I didn’t even look at him. I just kept moving, my heels clicking on the cold marble, my gaze fixed on the silver light streaming through the window. The moonlight seemed cruelly serene, mocking me with its calmness.
Abandoned. Truly abandoned. All of it—my father, my lover, my life—had been taken. The suffering was mine for real.
There was no other Lavinia. There was only me. I was Lavinia Devereux... and I was also Reina Suzuki.
No matter the name, no matter the world—I suffered.As Reina, I was abandoned. As Lavinia, I was cast aside.
What sin had I committed to deserve pain in both lives? What crime had I done to be forsaken twice—by blood, by fate, by love itself?
Then I heard it.
"Lavinia..."
The voice... Papa’s voice, urgent, panicked, raw. I looked up and saw him—a storm of worry etched into his features, his hands trembling, his eyes wide. Everything about him screamed fear... fear of losing me again.
I stared at him. My eyes are hollow, my lips barely parting. "...So... you really abandoned me, Papa?"
His entire body flinched, as if I had cut him with my words. "L-Lavinia..." His voice cracked, low and ragged, trembling as he stepped closer, arms reaching out. "I—"
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I wanted to run... scream... hug him and hate him all at once. My chest tightened, suffocating me.
Everything—the palace, the library, the air I breathed—it all felt suffocating, like the walls themselves were closing in. My mind spun.
And then... the memories of Papa’s strange behavior, Osric’s odd behaviour from stopping me from entering the divine library, their odd glances and hesitant weird questions... a new, terrifying thought crawled into my mind:
Did they remember too? So was their love for me... real? Or was it guilt?
The question struck like a dagger, twisting deep in my chest. My head throbbed violently, pain exploding behind my eyes. It felt like a storm tearing through my skull, like every memory, every betrayal, and every sorrow was pounding against me all at once.
Through the haze of agony, shapes blurred into view—Ravick, Sera, Marshi, and Solena—rushing toward us, their voices faint, swallowed by the storm raging inside me.
I swayed. My knees buckled.
"Lavinia..." Papa’s voice rose, panicked and desperate, but the sound barely reached me over the ringing in my head. "My dear, let’s go back. It’s late—"
THUD!
My vision shattered. Darkness swallowed me whole.
"...LAVINIA...!!!"
His scream tore through the library, through my mind, and through the remnants of my soul. And then—nothing.
I was gone.
***
[Osric’s POV — Later, Midnight—Osric’s Chamber]
Sleep refused to come.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling, the silence of the night pressing down like a weight on my chest. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her—Lavi—turning away from me, her voice trembling yet distant.
"Take a leave, Osric."
Those words kept echoing in my head, cold and final. The distance she created between us—it was unbearable.
I sat up, running a hand through my hair, exhaling a sharp breath. "I hope nothing bad happens," I muttered into the darkness.
And then—WHOOSH!
A gust of wind swept across the chamber, ruffling the curtains. Solena darted in, her feathers glinting under the moonlight.
I frowned, relief flickering briefly. "Finally back, huh?"
But instead of perching calmly, she fluttered frantically, pecking at my hand—hard.
"Solena?" I blinked. "What’s wrong?"
She let out a sharp cry, her wings twitching, movements jerky and anxious. My stomach dropped. Solena never panicked.
"Wait..." My voice caught. "Shouldn’t you be with Lavi?"
She froze.
A chill ran down my spine.
"Solena," I whispered, gripping her trembling form. "Did... something happen to Lavi?"
She nodded—once, twice—then pecked my hand again, as if pleading for me to understand.
My pulse spiked. "What is it? Speak—" I stopped mid-sentence, realizing the impossible. "Don’t tell me..."
Solena flapped her wings desperately, then sank onto the bed, her head bowed low—like she was mourning.
My chest tightened painfully. "Did... Lavi faint?"
She nodded hard.
And that was all it took.
I was already running before the thought could finish forming. The corridors blurred past me, the echo of my boots drowned by the roar of my heartbeat.
Please, no.Don’t tell me she found out.
Don’t tell me it’s too late.