Preparations were proceeding intensely.
For two consecutive days, Li Chonglou remained in the hotel, seeing no one.
It wasn't until the dusk of the third day that he emerged from his room and accepted the paper money, strings of joss paper ingots, and a bottle of Wuliangye that the lobby manager had sent over.
He walked to a corner of the garden and lit them.
"Brother Xu, today is your seventh day since passing. I cannot escort you home from Qin Zhou," Li Chonglou murmured, his words a litany. "Take this money with you on your journey. Don't be thrifty anymore."
"The afterlife isn't like the living world. You'll be in unfamiliar territory. You need to grease the right palms."
"Smooth things over, get a good reincarnation. I'll be waiting for you!"
As he spoke, he poured half the bottle of liquor before the fiercely burning pile of paper and then tilted his head back, gulping it down.
His eyes were bloodshot.
Xiao Yun, standing beneath a nearby pavilion with Xiao Da accompanying her, watched the scene silently, a complex mix of emotions churning within her.
Though she hadn't known Li Chonglou for long, she understood that beneath his seemingly indifferent demeanor lay a deep sense of loyalty.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have gone to such lengths for revenge.
After today, the path ahead would be fraught with peril.
She wanted to help, but she had no idea how.
"Sis, let's go back. Men don't want to be disturbed at times like these," Xiao Da whispered, advising her.
Ever since he learned of Li Chonglou's true identity, a trace of contempt had vanished from his eyes. Instead, he was filled with confidence in Li Chonglou.
After all, he was one of the Eagle's men.
Without capability, one couldn't even approach the threshold. Despite his own arrogance, he couldn't get in.
He had to admit it – he was far inferior to Li Chonglou.
This was both a blow and a form of self-motivation.
"You stay here and keep an eye out for me. Perhaps men can exchange a few words," Xiao Yun nodded, giving a few instructions before turning to leave.
Not long after she left, Li Chonglou's voice reached her ears: "Don't just stand there watching, come have a drink!"
The voice, though the person was far away, sounded as if it were right beside her.
Xiao Da trembled, his face filled with shock. How had he done that?
Feeling uneasy, he still walked over.
Li Chonglou's hand held only a fifth of the liquor left in the bottle.
Seeing him approach, the bottle was tossed over, caught by Xiao Da. He tilted his head back and downed it in one gulp, his throat burning.
"Do you have friends you've worn the same pants with since childhood?" Li Chonglou asked.
"Of course, who doesn't?" Xiao Da replied, wiping his mouth and baring his teeth.
"I don't," Li Chonglou's expression shifted slightly, a self-mocking smile playing on his lips. "From childhood, apart from one childhood friend, I've had almost no friends."
"Until I met Xu Lie. He wasn't good with words, and I don't like talking much."
"However, he was better than me. He was brave. He did things without much consideration for right or wrong, success or failure, relying only on his heart."
"I can't do that. I overthink, I'm hesitant, I'm cautious."
"I'm afraid of falling into an abyss of eternal damnation again, because I've tasted what the abyss is like."
Listening to him speak as if to himself, Xiao Da looked incredulous. "Even you are like this?"
"From your description, he sounds like a very timid loser, a coward's behavior."
"You're not..."
He desperately wanted to ask if he wasn't one of the Eagle members, because every Eagle member was peerless in bravery and highly acclaimed.
How could he be so cautious?
But ultimately, he didn't dare to ask.
If Li Chonglou could treat him as a confidant while fueled by alcohol and share such thoughts, it was already an honor, and he dared not disrupt the atmosphere.
"You're right, I am a coward," Li Chonglou's eyes were filled with bitterness. "Actually, I always believed I had changed, that I could no longer be a coward, do you know that?"
"Even in front of anyone, I thought I could be impartial and composed, neither servile nor overbearing."
"But the facts proved otherwise. I couldn't."
"In love, I am humble, but facing enemies, I am overly agitated."
"But thinking about it now, perhaps this isn't wrong. The mistake might be this society, this human heart!"
"Living in the eyes of others for over twenty years, I thought the latter half of my life would be for myself."
"That's why I don't make friends, I only weigh pros and cons. It's not because I enjoy solitude, but because I'm afraid, afraid of the feeling of loss!"
"Do you say I'm not a coward?"
These were words he had never spoken to anyone, but under the influence of alcohol, he poured them out before the paper money pile, which had long since burned out, leaving only embers.
They weren't meant for Xiao Da to hear, but for Xu Lie.
"Actually... why do I feel like you're an old man?" Xiao Da stammered, unable to help but voice his true thoughts.
"What do you mean?" Li Chonglou looked at him.
"It's just that you overthink things. Your gaze is bottomless, as if you've seen through all possible futures," Xiao Da felt uneasy under his stare and shifted his gaze away, avoiding direct eye contact, but he continued, "But you're not a god, how could you possibly know how the future will unfold."
"Isn't it more interesting when things are uncertain? If you see everything clearly, you'll be held back."
"Am I right?"
"It's that sense of age about you, unlike a young person, lacking vitality. Although you're not old, you seem weary."
"When I first saw you, I disliked you for this very reason. I felt you were showing off, being too pretentious for someone in their twenties."
*Dong!*
These words struck Li Chonglou like a thunderclap of enlightenment, instantly detonating in his heart.
Yes, what Xiao Da said was absolutely true.
He was an old man, a seventy-something-year-old man in his soul. All his views carried a critical and experienced superiority.
He had never looked at the world, nor at anyone, with an objective or normal, hopeful gaze.
From a son-in-law to his current status, all he thought about was how to protect others and prevent tragedies from deepening.
But his past life and this life were already two different worlds.
How could he possibly foresee the future's trajectory?
He constantly tried to grasp it, only to find he couldn't control anything, and in doing so, neglected the present.
Xu Lie's death was a prime example.
If he hadn't come to Yong'an to find the Dust-Avoiding Pearl, and if his master hadn't divined the heavenly secrets, how could he have stood by and watched Tian Shan kill Xu Lie and escape?
If he had known nothing, understood nothing, and been as simple-minded and forward-moving as Xu Lie, how could he have ended up in such a predicament?
To try and avoid all tragedies was, in itself, an act of cowardice.
And to give it the noble title of protecting loved ones was merely masking his inner weakness!
Xiao Da was right. He was only in his twenties now. Why should he be so concerned about so many things?
Why couldn't he let go? In his twenties, he should possess the vitality and spirit of a young man, not try to control the overall situation prematurely.
In his dazed eyes, a sharp glint flashed, and Li Chonglou suddenly stood up.
"Brother Xu, wait for me. Tomorrow, I'll take down that bastard Tian Shan."
"After I'm done, I'll return to Qin Zhou, have a child, and forget about everything else."
"Nothing is more important than peace and safety. The greatest courage is nothing more than facing life at home."
"Open an antique shop, have a wife, kids, and a warm hearth."
"Otherwise, what meaning would your sacrifice have?"