Before being beaten twice by society and reality, I was also a person who loved to fantasize and chase dreams with my head held high.
Regarding my dreams, I will put them aside for now and talk about what I used to fantasize about.
I fantasized about being the master of the world, about being omnipotent, and about being loved by everyone.
To satisfy my unrealistic fantasies, compared to drawing, which requires a certain level of skill, writing novels is the easiest way to get started; all you need is to be able to form sentences.
While the entry barrier for writing novels is low, it is not easy to write a decent plot. The key is that I myself find the things I write to be uninteresting.
After trying two or three times, the pain of racking my brain and the repeated failures made me realize I had no such talent, so I stopped writing.
I turned into a reader, to read the wonderful fantasies written by others.
After reading too much fanfiction, a rather awkward thing happens: you confuse the settings of the original work and fanfiction.
When I held the railing to practice standing and walking, and fell onto the thick, fluffy carpet without feeling any pain, I thought my current state was a bit unreasonable.
I remember Killua telling a story, a very famous segment, about the Zoldyck family's tradition, something about "electric shocks starting from the moment I was born."
I'm not sure if this setting is from the original work or fanfiction, but so far, I haven't suffered any harm.
The children's toys piled up in the bedroom, the non-aggressive visits from "family members," and the meticulous care from the caregivers are not much different from how babies are cared for in "reality"; it's warm and friendly.
This is too unrealistic. What about the "electric shocks starting from the moment I was born"?
What about the promised cruel, dark, and bloody killer family education?
Is this a game played according to fanfiction settings? This is not good; uncontrollable unknown factors have increased again.
I don't believe they would give me special treatment out of pity for my inability to speak due to my disability.
Think about the only person who received special treatment in the Zoldyck family. Their fourth son, Alluka, possesses the power to grant wishes and destroy the family simultaneously. He is a terrifying and precious nuclear weapon, so they had to keep him locked away carefully; it was a last resort. httpδ:/m.kuAisugg.nět
They didn't even treat Alluka as a human. Only Killua stubbornly protected Alluka, which would trigger a series of plot developments in the future.
And Killua received favoritism from the entire family because his talent was extremely high, and he was expected to inherit the family business.
Yes, killing is a business, and in essence, they are more like merchants. I believe they clearly distinguish between benefits and risks when judging family relationships, which is why they are cold.
Differential treatment is not a good thing. I really want to know what they think of me and what their plans are, but I can't find out.
Could it be lifelong house arrest with twenty-four-hour surveillance?
A state where you can't live and can't die.
This is indeed hell.
An infant's energy is extremely limited. I practiced walking for a little too long and, after falling to the ground, couldn't help but fall asleep.
While fighting the overwhelming sleepiness, I was still thinking that the Zoldyck family had a setting about "training to maintain alertness even while sleeping," but it seemed irrelevant to me. I slept soundly until I woke up naturally the next day. A soft, comfortable pillow was placed behind my head, and a caring caregiver immediately approached to check my condition, such as my diaper.
I'm used to it; I'll get used to it.
Another pain of living as an infant is eating. All day long, you can only drink milk for half a year or more. I'm someone who likes spicy food, and my mouth is almost bland to the point of absurdity.
When I was able to start eating baby food, I was almost overjoyed to tears. Cough, no, I must be firm and not be defeated by the sugar-coated bullets of capitalism.
By the way, my favorite among them is steamed egg custard.
There's steamed egg custard today too. What a happy day... No, I must endure and not let my guard down.
As soon as the caregiver placed me in the high chair, "my" birth mother, Kikyo, picked up the bowl with great interest, appearing to intend to feed me herself. "There's your favorite steamed egg custard today, too."
Oh no, my little quirk has been discovered.
"Can you understand what Mommy is saying?" Kikyo asked, holding her cheek with one hand, her eyes sparkling. "Oh my, as expected of my daughter, so cute!"
I subconsciously shook my head to deny it, only realizing the next second that this action was superfluous and would only expose my actual situation further.
"As expected, you understand." Kikyo was more than just excited. "You haven't reacted much before, and I was worried for a long time... I said it, the child I gave birth to must be an excellent child..."
It's over. Once Kikyo gets excited, my steamed egg custard will be cold by the time she finishes talking.
What should I do?
What can I do?
I returned to a state of mental tranquility, emptying my mind, effectively blocking out Kikyo's voice.
Blocking out specific voices is one of the essential skills for a seasoned office worker who has been through the wringer in society. It's useful for attending company cultural promotion meetings and for dealing with reprimands from superiors, allowing you to maintain a peaceful and stable mindset and smile in the face of ever-changing client demands.
Kikyo's abdomen is already slightly protruding, just like the original setting. Very efficient, Silva.
In terms of childbirth, I truly admire Kikyo. She will be a hero mother who will consecutively give birth to five sons, and with me, the unexpected arrival, she will have a total of six children. Just thinking about it makes me feel tired.
Indeed, being the wife of the Zoldyck family head is not something an ordinary person can do.
If there were a normal otome game route, I would choose to skip the Zoldyck family route because the original work doesn't mention who will be the head of the family in the future. Anything is possible. If I were unlucky enough to select a future head of the family as a target for affection, it would be a reproductive hell... Skip it, skip it.
Thinking too much. How could someone like me, who irresponsibly gave up on life, aim for marriage, which requires even more responsibility? That's a joke.
The steamed egg custard was, as expected, completely cold. However, my past poverty had limited my thinking. With a gesture from Kikyo, a freshly made steamed egg custard was brought over—only then did I remember that they had a chef.
Yes, this luxurious home is not suitable for someone from an ordinary background. I fell into habitual thinking again.
This is very dangerous. In the future, they might discover my unknown origins from subtle clues and treat me as a second Alluka, subjecting me to lifelong house arrest or something similar.
And I am the first child. The other children haven't been born yet. As long as they want to hide it, my younger brothers won't even know of my existence, so naturally, no one will be able to help me escape the cage of confinement.
It would be better to give me a quick end. A life sentence is far more terrifying than a death sentence.
According to the plan, I must hide it from all of them. When they are not monitoring me, I will find a high enough place to jump off and end this absurd game. Success is mandatory; failure is not an option.
The most perfect ending point would naturally be the summit of Mt. Kra-Hagane. To end where it began has a certain formal beauty.
However, I am not an unyielding person; it's not that I must choose Mt. Kra-Hagane.
As a second choice, the top floor of the Heavens Arena is also good. 251 floors, high enough and safe enough.
Then, the top of the World Tree is also very good, a well-known internet celebrity spot in the original work. It's very high, over a thousand meters. It would be a romantic final check-in point for the game.
Alas, it's so hard to choose.
In short, through my diligent efforts, in due course, I was finally able to walk quite steadily. With a pocketful of small biscuits (to eat when I got tired on the way), I began my exploration of the Zoldyck mansion.
A long time ago, when playing RPG games, to conquer the mazes within, I would draw a map for every section I walked through, meticulously covering every corner. When the entire maze's layout was finally drawn on paper, all the fog was dispelled, and there were no more confusions or wrong turns. That sense of satisfaction and security deeply captivated me.
The corridors of the Zoldyck mansion, built of stone and with paths branching out in all directions, were a classic large-scale labyrinth.
Since I had nothing else to do, and considering my age, asking for paper and pen seemed too advanced. I didn't want to attract too much attention, so I explored everywhere based on my memory.
With caregivers in black uniforms following behind me, I didn't have to worry about not being able to find my way back if I took a wrong turn. If I got exhausted, the caregivers would carry me back, allowing me to explore without any worries. Every day's journey was very relaxed and pleasant.
On January 2nd, I remember that date very clearly; it was the day the Zoldyck family's first son, Illumi, was born.
My birth father, Silva, picked me up and let me join them to welcome "my" newborn brother.
As my gaze shifted to the infant, a sudden anxiety and unease made me instinctively start sucking my thumb.
... It had nothing to do with this infant.
It was my problem.
I could see the health bars, green bars floating above characters, displaying their health.
Is this game function gradually unlocking?
Or is it proof of my increasing madness?
This world might not be just a game, because I discovered that checking health bars actually consumes energy. After I checked Kikyo's health bar and looked at Silva, my vision went black, and I fainted.