What does it feel like when humans are objectified?
My final years of life gave me ample experience of this sensation.
Hello, I am a "toy," male, 19 years old. My name is…
It's better not to mention it. No one would care if I said my name, and no one would remember it. My second-to-last master gave me a "nickname" I didn't like. My last master never called me by any name, so let's just be general and call me "toy."
My encounter with my last master began with the death of my second-to-last master.
The first time I saw my last master, I thought she was a new "toy." She had a vacant expression, was beautiful, and her long, silver-white curly hair was glossy, a sign of very good living conditions. She looked like a meticulously cared-for doll.
She gathered me and other "toys" together. Before she spoke, I was slightly curious about her voice, hoping it would be as pleasant as her appearance. To my surprise, what reached my ears was a voice mixed with mechanical sounds. It wasn't harsh, but it was stiff, clearly not a real human voice.
Where did the second-to-last master go? Why aren't some of the "toys" here? What's going on with the bodies on the ground? What are we being gathered for?
Despite my many questions, "toys" are obedient and well-behaved. Without permission, we must stay still and absolutely not make a sound.
The stranger, the doll, had a blank expression, her blue eyes rotating as if scrutinizing us. Then she picked a flower from the vase by the sofa. I followed the sound of someone falling to the ground and looked. The stem and leaves of the flower entered a "toy's" forehead, the flower seemingly blooming on his forehead. Coincidentally, the flower was also blue, the same color as that "toy's" eyes, and the same color as the stranger's eyes. Perhaps the stranger doll disliked anyone having the same eye color as her?
No one moved or made a sound. "Toys" are obedient and well-behaved. Without permission, we must stay still and absolutely not make a sound.
The stranger doll sat on the sofa and said, "Each person has two minutes to introduce their background. Start from my left hand, one by one."
"Toys" are obedient and well-behaved. We are best at following orders. Upon hearing the command, we acted accordingly.
After we introduced ourselves one by one, the stranger doll asked if we could read. Two "toys" who couldn't read were dealt with in the same manner. Then, the "toy" next to me was also dealt with. I didn't know her standard for dealing with them, nor did I need to think about it. It was meaningless. "Toys" had no choice.
It seemed I was the only "toy" left alive. The stranger doll ordered me to follow her quietly. I complied. I was very obedient. I didn't want to die yet.
The stranger doll took me away in an airship. I did my best to appear submissive, not daring to look left or right. I knelt on the floor, keeping my gaze within the confines of the floor.
Upon reaching our destination, I heard a woman greeting the stranger doll. "Welcome back, Merle."
I kept my head down and couldn't see the woman's appearance. Judging by her voice, she sounded like a woman around thirty years old.
"Good child, was the mission successful? You look happy," the woman praised the doll.
Mission? If the doll was on a mission, was this woman around thirty my next master?
"This time, I brought him back alone," the doll said, then she told me to look up and introduced me to the woman.
The woman was dressed in luxurious kimono and wore mechanical glasses, so only her lower face was visible. Rather than commenting on her appearance, the aura she exuded instinctively made me feel fear. She was definitely not an ordinary member of the wealthy class, but a more dangerous existence, possibly someone from the underworld.
For the sake of enjoying "toys" with peace of mind, masters paid attention to their quality and safety. Unsurprisingly, the woman instructed her butler to take me for an examination.
The examination passed smoothly. They arranged a suite for me. Their orders were simple: "Please your new master and do not leave this room."
This was very easy for me. I was doing the same thing for my previous master, and I did it well. I was experienced.
They didn't tell me when my new master would arrive. A mere "toy" was not qualified to know the master's schedule. All I had to do was wait for my new master's arrival and then do similar things as with my previous master. I was already accustomed to this. I was proficient and unhurried, even a little leisurely, until the door lock was opened one night… Besides my new master, no one should be looking for me at night.
The first formal performance of a "toy" is extremely important and determines my future fate. I felt like I was facing a great enemy. I immediately rushed to the door and bowed as it opened, "Welcome back, Master."
The person who came in ignored me, closed the door, and walked past me. From my perspective, I could see her fair calves and slender ankles under her long skirt. Seeing her walk away, I carefully raised my gaze and saw her silver-white curly hair. Hair of such beautiful color was not common. I recognized her as the doll who brought me here.
She walked, stopped, and even stood on a chair, checking everywhere in the room. Although I believed I had done nothing wrong, her actions still made me nervous. I didn't know what instructions she had received or how she would deal with me.
The doll finally stopped and asked me in that voice mixed with mechanical sounds, "What work did they assign you, what are the precautions? Tell me everything, one by one."
Why was she asking these things?
The next moment, I realized the doll was my new master, the "young lady" they referred to.
Given the doll's casual ability to take lives and her extraordinary skills, coupled with everything I had seen and heard so far, I was mostly certain that the masters here were inhabitants of the dark world.
"..." I might be better off dead. Sweat beaded on my palms.
"Yes." I knelt down and chose my words carefully, "My task is to obey all your commands and please you with all my might. The precautions are the same. Finally, I am forbidden to leave this room."
"Does it seem interesting to you, living like this, exchanging one prison for another?" the doll asked me.
"Everything is up to you. I have no opinions and will not have any," I gave the standard answer of a "toy."
"Really? Did they not assign you any extra work?" the doll sat on a chair. "Like surveillance and reporting?"
Surveillance? What kind of "young lady" would be surveilled? The doll didn't seem to be on the same side as the others here.
In that case, my situation, caught in the middle, was exceptionally perilous.
"There were indeed similar instructions, but..." Regardless, I had to appease my new master and feign weakness as much as possible. "My life is also in your hands. If possible, I would like to live a little longer."
"Mm, live a little longer. And then what?" the doll asked. "What are your wishes?"
"A very ordinary wish," I dared not lie. "To gain freedom."
"Do you know where you are?" the doll's voice finally showed a hint of emotion, akin to mockery. "The lair of a group of assassins. We're not keeping you locked up because we're afraid you'll escape, but because we don't want you to die pointlessly. The outside is full of beasts. To protect you, we must keep you in a cage."
Because I was fully prepared psychologically, I didn't doubt the truth of her words. Instead, I felt a sense of relief from the unknown, as if thinking, "So that's how it is."
"I am very fortunate," I tried to express my gratitude to my new master. "I didn't die under my previous master, and then I was fortunate enough to be chosen by you, and I avoided death again. This kind of luck is rare."
"Perhaps, the next luck will be gaining freedom," I intentionally added a truthful statement. Although unpleasant, truthfulness could show my honesty to my new master. "Thinking about it this way, isn't life full of hope?"
"Go ahead and deceive yourself. Leaving no witnesses is a basic principle of assassins. As a witness, you are already dead. You will never get out."
The doll's displeasure was within my expectations, but I didn't expect her aura to be so terrifying. It was as if I saw materialized death.
"Everything is... up to you," as if I were in an ice world, I desperately grasped at an invisible lifeline, stammering to form sentences.
That was the most arduous period of my life. The concept of time was lost. My heartbeat sounded like thunder. I couldn't remember how I was breathing. I didn't know how long it had been before the shadow of death receded. I suspected I had already entered another world.
In a daze, I heard the doll speak to me, "It's your turn. Get up when you can move and add necessary marks to the bed. You know what to do, right?"
"...Yes." My entire body felt weak. I tried my best to mobilize the muscles in my limbs, but my legs still didn't obey, as if they didn't belong to me.
When I was finally able to stand, my vision blurred. I supported myself by sheer willpower to the bedside the doll had mentioned. With little strength left, I scrambled onto the bed awkwardly, using both hands and feet. After resting for a while, I groggily saw the bloodstains on the bedsheet. Only then did I understand the meaning of her command and the reason for my existence.
Did they want their "young lady," who had never experienced anything, to have relevant experience? And the "young lady" herself was unwilling.
"..." I couldn't understand it at all.
Why would they force the "young lady" to do such a thing? What was the point? What was the necessity?
Before attempting to understand these questions, I should first complete the "young lady's" command.
Satisfying the master's requests anytime, anywhere is a basic quality of a qualified "toy." I skillfully completed the operation. The doll watched for a while and then, as if intending to leave, said nothing.
After all, she's an inexperienced "young lady." Wouldn't it be more convincing if she stayed a little longer?
"Do you want to stay tonight?" I reminded her. "There are spare bedsheets in the closet. I can change them."
"..." The doll stared at me blankly, probably judging the merit of my suggestion.
The doll accepted my suggestion and then kicked me into the bathroom, locking the door from the outside. Although I felt she could easily kill me like she did the other "toys," my situation was actually more dangerous. Well, she's a "young lady" with high vigilance.
Before leaving the next day, the doll instructed me on how to report the situation to the Zoldyck family. "You have to say I'm very capable."
I didn't expect the poker-faced "young lady" to care about this. If I hadn't had such strong self-control, I would have almost burst out laughing.
"Yes. If they ask for details..." The more inappropriate the situation, the more I wanted to laugh. I carefully suppressed my laughter. "Just in case."
The "young lady" told me to use my discretion.
After the "young lady" left, I recalled her serious expression when she said, "You have to say I'm very capable." I buried my head in the pillow and laughed heartily for a long time.
It had been so long since I laughed like this. I laughed until tears streamed down my face, laughed until I started coughing.
I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed.
The feeling of laughing was so foreign. I coughed until I felt like vomiting, stumbling into the bathroom and dry-heaving for a long time, but nothing came out.
Slipping onto the cold floor, I remembered the doll telling me that as a witness, I was already as good as dead and would never get out.
The future, then?
Such a thing was already a remote possibility for me.
I lied. In truth, I had no hope for life. I was merely living to live.
The "young lady's" scheme with me seemed to succeed. She started spending nights at my place every few days. Of course, she would kick me into the bathroom, lock the door, and sleep alone on the bed.
I understood this treatment completely. I couldn't let the "young lady" sleep on the bathroom floor, could I?
Besides the bathroom floor, I thought I could sleep on the living room sofa. But I knew the "young lady" didn't have any particular fondness for me. I wasn't qualified to make requests or suggestions. The idea of sleeping on the sofa was enough for my thoughts.
Fabricating the scene, changing the sheets, and locking me in the bathroom was the standard procedure for the "young lady" every time she stayed over.
The fact that the "young lady," who possessed the ability to kill me at any moment, treated me like a dangerous male was quite inspiring for my fabricated stories. Fortunately, the "young lady" didn't have mind-reading abilities. Otherwise, if she knew the content of my inspiration, if she knew how I disrespected her in my mind, she would probably kill me.
But that might be interesting. Perhaps the "young lady" would lose her poker face and her face would turn crimson with embarrassment?
Ah, imagining it, it seems… a little cute. After all, the "young lady" was as beautiful as a doll. Under normal circumstances, she should be the object of many men's fantasies.
Returning to the main topic, the reason I mentioned the "young lady's" abilities was based on the vocal device that sometimes mysteriously disappeared and reappeared on the "young lady's" neck.
Later, the "young lady" started keeping cats at my place. When she mysteriously produced cat food, I became even more certain that the "young lady" possessed magical abilities to conjure things out of thin air.
It was truly amazing. Despite seeing it many times, I still couldn't discern any flaws or understand the principle behind it.
After she started keeping cats, the "young lady" completely treated my place as a cat cafe. She had no interest in me, but her enthusiasm for cats was unprecedented. Although she never cared about the effort I put into raising a whole litter of kittens, nor did she praise my results… A "toy" fulfilling a master's orders was a given. I was wishfully thinking… but her satisfaction with those cats was probably an affirmation of my results.
The "young lady" favored the white-haired, blue-eyed cat the most, to the point of sleeping with it in her arms. Perhaps it was because that cat resembled her in color, leading to a strange resonance?
I had never raised cats before. Now I knew that cats could be very clingy animals. Some cats would look for me if they couldn't see me. For instance, when the "young lady" locked me in the bathroom, they would scratch at the bathroom door while meowing.
I was very worried that the "young lady" would find them noisy and kill them.
I had painstakingly raised them every day, feeding and watering them. My feelings for them were no less than theirs for me.
Fortunately, the "young lady's" love for cats was genuine, and her tolerance was high. She didn't mind, and even stopped locking the bathroom door, allowing me to stay within the cats' sight.
From another perspective, she also fell within my sight.
Peeking from the bathroom doorway, I could see the bed and her silver-white curly hair spread across the pillow. Due to the limited angle, I couldn't see her face, but after spending so many days together, I could imagine her sleeping face.
The cats favored by her could jump onto her bed without hesitation, lie at her feet, and burrow into her blankets. Sometimes, I felt a slight envy. It was the first time I regretted not being able to fulfill a "toy's" most basic function. I admit I was shallow; I had this thought because she was beautiful.
Sometimes, I hated her stubborn purity. If she had been as unrestrained as my previous masters, I would have had the right to touch her. I would have done my utmost.
But she had no interest in me, none at all. She hardly ever looked at me directly.
I tried to attract her attention and gain her favor by using the cats' obedience, but she only became more focused on the cats. My existence seemed like air.
Let's face reality. I was just a "toy." My previous masters' attitudes and this "young lady's" attitude were not much different. Neither of them took me seriously. The only difference was what they wanted me to do.
If only things could be reversed… Hahaha, what a good joke.
I continued to raise cats obediently. The most out-of-line thing I did was, after the "young lady" left in the morning, to crawl into the bed she had slept in, press my face against the pillow she had used, feel her lingering warmth and scent, and imagine how to please her here.
A cat jumped up lightly and lay by her pillow, yawning, as if mocking my inferior status compared to a cat.
One day, the "young lady" suddenly took away her favorite white-haired, blue-eyed cat. She said nothing, but I vaguely sensed something bad. As expected, those on a different side from her came to question me, or rather, interrogate me.
They thought the "young lady" was a bit too obsessed with me. I used all my cunning to explain to them that the "young lady's" real obsession was petting cats.
After a day and a night, I managed to escape with my life, miraculously. The remaining days were spent organizing myself. "Toys" are meant for enjoyment. They should not cause trouble for their masters, even if the masters don't care about them.
When she took the cat, the "young lady" must have anticipated what they were going to do. When she returned, she proactively asked me what had happened during her absence. I gave a brief summary. As she listened, she looked through my cat-raising notes. After a few pages, she looked up and gazed at me, seemingly developing a slight interest in me.
I remembered her confirming if the "toy" could read when she was selecting "toys." It seemed she cared about literacy. Was she a killer young lady who loved literature?
A strand of hair fell as she read the notes. Its pure white luster flowed upon it, like a weeping willow, falling into my heart and tickling me, like a cat's scratch. I boldly asked her, "Would you like to know more about my past?"
I hoped she would want to know more about my past.
She shook her head almost without thinking. It seemed her interest in me was as fleeting as glancing at a chirping insect. I wisely returned to the bathroom, to where I belonged.
Raising cats diligently every day was more than enough work. It was easier and more pleasant than any work I had done before. There was nothing to complain about. I never considered when this job might end. Things that are not up to me are meaningless to think about, only causing annoyance.
What ultimately changed my destiny was the knock on the door one night.
Being closer to the door, the "young lady," who was petting a cat, got up to open it. I was a step behind and followed her.
At the door stood a boy of sixteen or seventeen, with black hair and black eyes, expressionless. There was not a trace of light in his eyes; they were as dark as a ghost born from the night.
"Yo." The boy raised a hand and greeted the "young lady." His tone, like his expression, was devoid of emotion.
He looked at the "young lady" and then at me standing behind her. His gaze, though lacking emotion, sent a chill down my spine. My instinct for danger screamed—this boy was extremely dangerous.
The "young lady" walked past the boy, looked around the hallway for a moment, picked up a kitten that had slipped away from her feet, and stroked its head. The boy tilted his head slightly, as if the "young lady" were stroking his head.
After the "young lady" finished petting the kitten outside the door, the boy had already entered the room as if he owned the place, coming face-to-face with another curious kitten looking up at him.
The "young lady" closed the door, put down the kitten in her arms, waved at me, and signaled me to return to the bathroom.
As a "toy," being curious about the master's private affairs was a dangerous act. Yet, I couldn't help but slow my steps, wanting to understand their relationship through the interaction between the boy and the "young lady."
I saw the "young lady" pick up her favorite white-haired, blue-eyed cat, ignore the boy, walk to the bed, turn off the bedroom light, and crawl under the covers, in the same sleeping posture as usual. The boy didn't move, didn't speak, just stood there watching her actions.
The atmosphere was somehow eerie.
The bathroom light made the surroundings not entirely dark. I forgot to move and remained frozen in that moment. As my eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, I watched the boy, and then the "young lady." A cat roamed around my feet, wanting my affection, but I had no mind to pay attention to it.
The "young lady's" sleeping face was exactly as I imagined, serene and harmless. Her lips, a delicate cherry pink, were perfect for a secret kiss to make them redder and more vibrant. I gazed at them somewhat absentmindedly until the still image before me was no longer still. The boy walked to her bed, leaned over, and moved closer to her.
Before bending down, the boy glanced at me. His demeanor was cold, sharp as a needle. I knew it was a silent warning.
I wasn't joking. I was certain the boy could take my life the moment I made a sound, just as the "young lady" efficiently dealt with other toys.
Did the boy's warning include expulsion? I wasn't sure. I resolved to take the risk and stay to witness what the boy would do. Because the "young lady's" reaction was so strange, with no interaction with the boy, I felt like the "young lady" couldn't see the boy.
Cats and I could see the boy, but the "young lady" couldn't. Was this the boy's special ability? Invisibility to specific people? Did the boy allow me to watch, prepared to silence me afterward? He hadn't killed me yet, perhaps to avoid disturbing the "young lady" and revealing his presence to her?
I might be able to make a desperate gamble and alert the "young lady" that there was a third person in the room, but I didn't have that courage yet. I didn't want to die immediately. I wanted to live.
So, I stood by and watched as the boy kissed the "young lady's" cheek.
It seemed invisibility couldn't hide touch. When the boy lightly bit the "young lady's" ear, she suddenly sat up. She didn't open her eyes. After a few seconds, she lay back down on the bed. I breathed a sigh of relief. Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to explain why I wasn't in the bathroom.
Her state seemed to greatly encourage the boy. The boy's movements were as agile as a cat's. He climbed onto her bed with impunity, skillfully burrowed under her blankets, and hugged her from behind.
What I couldn't understand was that the "young lady" didn't react. Had the "young lady" fallen into a deep sleep so quickly? No, did the boy do something? I knew there were ways to make people fall into an unconscious sleep.
The boy had handsome features. To use his invisibility for such sordid matters was truly perverted. Speaking of which, who exactly was this boy? Could it be that they had seen through my scheme with the "young lady" and ordered this boy with special abilities to give the "young lady" more experience?
Of course, I, who stood by and watched, was no better.
My feet seemed glued to the floor. I didn't know why I kept watching. I should have been unable to bear seeing the "young lady" being taken advantage of, but I also had a dark anticipation, wanting to see the poker-faced "young lady" reveal her womanly demeanor, wanting to hear the doll-like "young lady" ask for me. I would use everything I had learned to satisfy her. I was capable of satisfying her.
Because I was a good "toy." My previous master had evaluated me as such.
With wide eyes, I stood there for almost the entire night. The boy merely hugged the "young lady" and slept. He didn't do anything else. With mixed feelings, I watched the boy leave the bed before the "young lady" woke up. He asked me, "Seen enough?" His tone was flat, betraying no joy or anger, as if saying "Good morning." Only then did I feel as if I had lived through an epoch, hiding back in the bathroom like a mouse, returning to where I belonged.
I understood. The boy also didn't take me seriously.
The fatigue of the entire night washed over me. I had barely sat down when someone knocked on the bathroom door, waking me up.
…It was the "young lady."
I quickly stood up and bowed.
A cat brushed past the "young lady's" legs and rubbed against mine. My cat-raising duties for the day had not yet begun. I remembered that I had work to do.
First, I had to check each cat's health, then feed them and give them water, and finally, scoop their litter boxes.
A "toy" must know how to pretend to be deaf and mute. I worked with my head down, completely ignoring the boy who had followed the "young lady" into the bathroom.
I hoped something would happen between them.
My mind was not on my work. The reason my hands didn't stop was thanks to muscle memory.
I fervently hoped something would happen between them.
Once the poker-faced "young lady" crossed the threshold of becoming a woman, I could then fully utilize my talents and serve the "young lady" daily.
I reviewed all sorts of past experiences and planned how to lead the "young lady" towards indulgence, from easy to difficult. I never expected that when the bathroom door opened, the "young lady," with disheveled hair and wearing only a chemise, would rush out.
Her face was still poker-faced, but her eyes were different from usual. Her pupils were wide with shock, slit like a cat's.
I am truly a scumbag. Even at this moment, I first thought only of how thinly the "young lady" was dressed in front of me. Her arms and thighs were so white. She didn't seem to be wearing any underwear.
Why didn't I consider why the "young lady" usually spoke to me using the vocal device?
The answer was simple: the "young lady" was mute.
Even today, I still find it hard to believe that the doll was an assassin young lady. Especially at this moment, when the startled doll lunged into my arms, hugging me tightly and burying her face in my chest, I finally understood that the doll was also a fragile girl, and without the vocal device, she couldn't speak.
"Wh-what's wrong...?" I subconsciously asked.
How excessively they had acted, how excessively I had acted, attempting to drag the girl who couldn't call for help into the abyss together.
In the final moments of a life filled with ugliness and indignity, I wanted to do one good deed. I decided to tell her about the boy's abilities and his existence, so she would be less deceived.
The "young lady" took my hand. It was the first time she had touched my skin. Her un-dried hair stuck to her cheek. Due to her action of burying her face in my chest earlier, a strand of hair got caught on the corner of her mouth. Her eyes showed a hint of anxiety. Her mouth opened and closed, but because there was no sound, she looked like she was going mad. I didn't know what she was saying.
She remembered her ability, and the vocal device on her neck appeared. She finally spoke, "I'm going to teach you 'Nen'."
What is "Nen"? No, before thinking about that, I first saw the boy standing behind her.
The neatly dressed boy stood relaxed, looking down at the top of the "young lady's" hair. It was due to my gaze that he looked towards me. Those black eyes, devoid of light, were also without any emotion, like black whirlpools that crushed my disrespect into oblivion.
I couldn't imagine at all what he had done to the "young lady" in the bathroom to make her so panicked.
"Prepare yourself. I'm starting now." It was a voice mixed with mechanical sounds.
When my attention was focused on the boy, the "young lady" had already moved behind me. A heart-wrenching pain came from her palm pressed against my back. I felt as if I had been instantly torn into countless fragments, the edges of each fragment burning. I let out a scream that even I found unbelievable.
Fortunately, this torture was brief. In my dazed state, I saw heat waves rising around my body. The pain that had suddenly vanished without a trace made me think I had died and was in heaven.
"This thing, like 'steam,' is your life energy. Before it all dissipates, you need to learn to retain this 'qi'." She pulled me up from the floor. "Stand straight, close your eyes, and then imagine..."
"..." I dared not close my eyes, nor did I have the will to listen to the "young lady's" words.
The "young lady" couldn't see him, but the boy was standing between me and the "young lady."
The boy tilted his head, his black bangs brushing his fine eyebrows. His features were quite delicate, his face as beautiful as a woman's, yet it made my blood feel like it was about to freeze.
I saw the glint of a needle in his hand.
He was showing it to me deliberately. He was still contemplating when to bestow death upon me.
Unfortunately, he miscalculated. I was now indifferent to life and death, no longer afraid of his threat.
No matter what, I had a premonition that I wouldn't survive today. Death was inevitable, so I might as well choose my preferred way to die.
"Imagine this 'qi' circulating like blood within your body, starting from the top of your head, flowing to your right shoulder," the "young lady" continued her explanation, completely unaware of the boy's presence. "Flowing to your hand, down, to your foot, then to the left side..."
"Listen carefully," the boy gently brushed aside a strand of hair stuck to the "young lady's" face, like playing with a cat, and stroked her chin. "To be ignored to this extent really surprises me. It makes me want to play more pranks."
"Ah, right. Do you have any good suggestions?" the boy suddenly said, as if struck by an idea. When he looked at me, although his expression was blank, there was a hint of excited anticipation in his tone. "Since it's a rare opportunity, list all the things you'd want to do to my sister, one by one, and let me choose, to help you fulfill your last wish in life, how about it?"
My death date was indeed approaching. My mind was spinning faster than ever before, but when I tried to open my mouth to answer, I found I couldn't make a sound.
When?
What was happening?
My eyes closed involuntarily. In the darkness, two voices continued separately.
"Yes, maintain this relaxed state and do the imagining I just described." It was the "young lady's" voice.
"Sigh, my sister is sentimental. She doesn't casually throw away toys she doesn't use anymore." It was the boy's voice.
"Concentrate," her voice.
"You didn't pass," his voice.
"You can do it," she said.
"It's time for a new one," he said.
Unable to move at all, my body felt like it didn't belong to me. The darkness of my vision gradually spread, engulfing my entire being.
Losing strength, breath, and warmth.
I drowned in the endless darkness.
Ultimately, I achieved nothing.