Chapter 851: The End of the Path
"Of course I will," Korra answered.
The suddenness of her response took me off guard, though I really should have been prepared for it. Korra never committed to anything halfheartedly.
I took a deep breath. "Getting hurt in Vesna, losing my memories...recovering has given me much to think about. Too much, maybe. Fyren said that humans’ memories are a cohesive influence. But when they broke apart, I could see them for the individual experiences they were. And the patterns within them. Over and over, I’ve been forced to the brink, stripped of power, dignity, and freedom. Not just freedom from curses, but... choice, I guess. Being a slave, then being controlled by the soul binder, tortured by the inquisitors, and being forced to watch as Lord Byron slowly tortured and killed Aurle. I couldn’t do anything."
Korra remained quiet as I started crying again. I took a deep breath, my voice trembling.
"Once I was freed and escaped to Heartland, my first memory was of being hunted by wolves. They hurt me badly, but the villagers in Westfall Village nursed me back, and I met Tana and Sorrin. I started to gain strength and heal my soul, but right when I felt I was in control again, we became entangled with the Circle. Sari was captured, and then I learned of Elise. They both suffered so much, but again, I was helpless."
"You did your best. We both did," Korra said.
"But it wasn’t enough. That’s what I mean by being helpless, Korra. To try everything and still be unable to do what you want. But that wasn’t even the end. We killed Alverin and destroyed Brithlite, and we got separated. The demons spared our lives, but we were prisoners again, not by a curse, but by power. That was a scary time, when I couldn’t even control my own powers. Haven was dark, and Luke used me as a weapon, unleashing the remnants on a city he couldn’t break on his own. And later, when I’d just begun to get comfortable with the demons, R’lisesa and I were shot down into Tormod’s Breach. Again, I barely survived, reduced to a bloody, magic-less mess. And then when we fought the dragons, I was trapped in fate, searching for... forever... for a way to survive. I lost most of those memories, but do you know what it feels like to see your friends die over and over?"
"I don’t," she said. "But you didn’t lose them. And in the end, we all came back together."
"You don’t understand!" I shook my head violently, shocking her, but I didn’t care. "When my mind got damaged, I saw everything again. Too many dots on the ground, forming a line that no one could miss. I’ve seen many futures, both from our efforts to save the elves and in the upcoming war against demons and Risen. And in all of them, I saw more dots to come. How can I be brave when I know that? Even if we avoid one, my path is clear to me now. Dodge one and stumble into the next."
"What did you see?" Korra’s question cut through my rambling like a knife, pinning me to the back of my mind.
"I-I don’t understand," I said, avoiding her gaze.
"I don’t think that’s true. You’ve long since accepted hardship as a part of your path. What made you question your resolve now?" She studied me for a second, then her eyes narrowed. "It’s because of him, isn’t it? Luke."
A shiver coursed down my back, setting my tail twitching. She frowned.
"I knew it. He’s going to hurt you, isn’t he?"
"No!" I squeaked, gripping her tunic tightly. "He... he’s just going to do what he promised."
"And that is?"
I swallowed hard, but the words wouldn’t come. Finally, I sagged, my forehead resting against her shoulder. "Leave."
"He promised to abandon you?" The chill in her words sent another shiver down my back.
"Not like that. He’s going to leave this realm. That’s what everything’s been for, all of his battles, all of his power. After he defeats the church in Enusia, he’s going to ascend."
She was quiet for a long time. I could feel her heartbeat against my cheek, swift and angry at first, but it slowed as she continued to stroke my hair.
"You’re not scared because he’s leaving, but because you know he’s leaving, and still can’t help but get close to him."
The words hung in the air. My breath hitched, and a cold dread settled deep in my stomach. Everything in me went utterly still. Korra’s heartbeat was a loud, thumping rhythm against my cheek, but I couldn’t feel my own. All the pieces I’d been fighting to keep separate suddenly clicked into place, and the picture they formed was sharper, more terrifying, than any of my scattered memories.
It was the truth.
I looked up at Korra, struggling to focus on her face through the tears. "When he leaves...I don’t know what to do. I’m...scared."
"Because you think you’ll view it as abandonment? Like what Soltair did to you?"
I nodded, gripping her tunic a little tighter. "What if I...what if I can’t do it again?"
"Trust? Make a friend? Try to love someone?"
My face flushed, and I squeaked, "L-Love?"
She smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "Am I wrong?"
I bit my lip, tail twitching. "I-It’s not like that, but...yeah."
Korra’s smile softened, and she drew me even closer. "Did Soltair ever tell you what his plans were? Did he ever show you his true feelings?"
I shook my head. "No. But what does that matter?"
"Because Luke’s telling you the path he’s chosen. What’s more, he’s giving you the option to walk with him a part of the way. It sounds like you’ve already made your choice, else you wouldn’t be so frightened. But when he leaves, Xiviyah, it won’t be abandonment. It will take a different kind of trust, one you’ve never had to have before."
"I don’t know if I can do that."
"I know you can. Trust is built the same: by choice. You chose to trust me in Heartland, and look at how far we’ve come. At some point, you’re going to have to trust Luke, too. And yourself, to let him make his own choice.
"So... you don’t think I’m making a mistake?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I think you’re finally being brave," Korra said, her voice firm and sure. "You’re choosing to be close to someone, to let yourself feel, even though you know it won’t last forever. You’re not fighting to survive anymore. You’re fighting for the right to live, even if that means risking your heart. That’s the strongest thing you’ve ever done."
"But what if I still–"
"Every path has an end, Xiviyah. If not by choice, then by death. One day, even our relationship will come to an end. But does that mean we shouldn’t have and enjoy them?"
I shook my head, and she smiled.
"The joy is in the journey itself, not the destination. If you know Luke is leaving and you’re still choosing to walk with him, then be brave enough to do it. Don’t waste a single moment being afraid. The only thing you have to fear in the end is regret."
She took my hands in hers, her voice dropping to a fierce whisper.
"Every memory you make with him is something to cherish, something that will keep you warm on the darkest, coldest nights. But if you hold back now, that cold, dark fear you feel in your chest will follow you wherever you go, because you’ll always wonder what you lost just by being too scared to make those memories in the first place."
"I wish I could have smiled," I said in a small voice. My hands closed into fists, gripping Korra’s tunic. "Whenever I think of Aurle, I wish I could have smiled at her. She gave me so many...every time he took her away. I wouldn’t have made it without them. But I couldn’t ever give her anything back. Maybe...maybe if I had, she would still–"
"Have reached the end of her journey," Korra said firmly. "Whether then, or later. Aren’t you the one who says what happens is meant to happen?
"So...oblivion?" I asked.
"What?" Korra cocked her head.
"Fate mentioned it to Fyren. The path of fate is the journey, and oblivion is the end. Nothingness, and yet...a new beginning. That’s what’s happening to the cycle. It’s reached the end of the path.
Korra reached out and flicked my forehead. I yelped and covered my head.
"What was that for?"
"Because that didn’t even make any sense." She smiled, gathering me in another hug. "Stop overthinking things. What I said is what I meant. There’s nothing deeper to it. And are you sure you should talk about things like that? They sound kind of secret, you know."
"So, just...live without regrets?"
"Exactly. You can do that much, right?"
I nodded. "I’ll try."
"And I’ll help you. Now, you look half asleep, and we have a meeting tomorrow."
"We do?"
She frowned. "You didn’t hear? Aerion managed to get us an audience with the Tribunal. We’re going to plead our case."