When Xie Nana said these words, she kept looking at me. From her clear eyes, I saw sincerity, the untainted purity of lotus blooming from mud.
Perhaps I was looking at her through tinted glasses. I had always regarded her as someone met in an inappropriate place, at an inappropriate time, someone who could be forgotten. I hadn't expected her to be so persistent, so purely loving for love’s sake.
Moved inexplicably, I reached out to pull her. To my surprise, she kept retreating. The more I pursued, the faster she fled, until she vanished from sight.
I stared blankly at the spot where she disappeared, then remembered Xiao Hong still in my arms. Looking down, I discovered Xiao Hong was also gone.
I felt an overwhelming loneliness. Just moments ago, I had their company – one unwavering, the other intimately close. How could I, in an instant, become a solitary figure?
Was this my fate? To end up betrayed and alone for life?
I searched everywhere, on hillsides, in forests, to the ends of the earth. I walked every inch of land, crisscrossed the country, yet found no trace of them.
Not only the two of them, but Lan Ya, Jing Lei, and all my relatives and friends – I couldn't find any of them.
Everyone had vanished before my eyes.
My heart sank. In all my life, I had never experienced such a feeling, a grief that was indescribable.
A voice whispered in my ear, "You're dreaming. This isn't real. They're all here, always by your side."
Who was speaking? How could such a realistic scene be a dream? If it were a dream, wouldn't Xiao Hong’s warmth still be in my arms, Nana’s voice still in my ears? If it were a dream, how could it touch my heart so deeply?
I dared not think further. I hoped it was a dream, yet I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to find them in my dream, to tell them again, "Actually, I love you too!"
Just then, Qian Fugui’s call woke me. I opened my hazy eyes. The car was still moving, and it was still dark outside. I asked him what was wrong.
Qian Fugui said I had been shouting and he thought I was having a nightmare, so he woke me.
I replied, "It wasn't exactly a good dream, but thankfully, it was just a dream."
Qian Fugui was perplexed and said, "There’s still a long way to go. You should sleep."
Wen Siqiang asked if I needed to relieve myself. I agreed, saying it was a good time for him to rest too and stretch his body.
After driving for so long, fatigue and maintaining the same posture were very detrimental to the body.
Wen Siqiang found a place to stop, and we got out to attend to our biological needs.
I was still recalling the dream. It was so real. Did Xie Nana truly mean what she said in the dream, that she didn't care about my identity, that she wouldn't hate me even if I had eliminated her entire family?
I found it impossible. No one could achieve that; how could Xie Nana be an exception?
Just because of love?
If identity is fake, how can anyone fall in love with such a person?
It must have been a dream. I was moved by the Xie Nana in my dream.
Whether in dreams or in reality, I believed Xiao Hong’s feelings were genuine. What she said in my dream was the same as in reality.
In my heart, I felt I owed Xiao Hong the most. She was the one who stirred my heartstrings the most, yet I cared for her the least, not even sending a text or a greeting.
Her appearing in my dream might be my heart’s desire, a way to express my feelings and inner thoughts to her in the dream.
As for Xie Nana, was her confession also my heart’s desire? Did I wish for Xie Nana to love me forever? I couldn't be. I was always passive. Could it be that I had truly fallen in love with her?
How was that possible? Even if I had fallen in love with her, how would I face her once I resumed my true identity?
I couldn't possibly say, "I brought your family to justice, so will you marry me?"
How absurd would that be?
It could shatter everyone's perception. Even the most foolish person wouldn't do something so morally reprehensible. Xie Nana would be no exception.
My heart felt a little relieved. At that point, I would rather she hated me; I might feel a bit lighter. If, as in the dream, she continued to love me unconditionally, I wouldn't be able to bear it.
Back in the car, I asked Wen Siqiang how much further. He said about two hundred kilometers more, but the road ahead wouldn't be easy.
I asked Wen Siqiang if he was sleepy, offering him a chance to nap.
Wen Siqiang said he was fine; he had slept in the car during the recent battle.
I chuckled, "You're truly remarkable. Amidst gunfire and bullets, you could sleep."
Wen Siqiang replied, "With you, I haven't experienced any real danger. Besides, they were the ones fighting; of course, I could sleep."