"He had prepared for this, didn't he!"
"He even had the marriage contracts ready?"
He subtly tugged Li Shimin to the side.
"You know, Father, Fang Xin is somewhat related to them, isn't he?"
"Look, what does Fang Xin call you? He has to call you Great-Uncle!"
"And these princesses?"
"In terms of seniority, Fang Xin would have to call them Aunts, right?"
"So, in my humble opinion, he absolutely cannot proceed with this matter!"
Li Shimin's eyes widened: "Boy, stop trying to fool me!"
"When I was in the main world, I watched plenty of movies!"
"Those films starting with 'Auntie' had astronomical click-through rates!"
"Aren't you worried about the children born later having problems? That's not an issue at all!"
"At worst, all these marriage contracts can be signed with Fang Yan's name. Let your second son marry them all. He doesn't have the Li family's bloodline since he wasn't born to Yue'er!"
Fang Er: "..."
"Oh, my god, he's completely blocked all my escape routes?"
"Gao Yang and Fang Xin are also out!"
"The seniority is there!"
"If this were to get out, people might not dare to say anything about you, the Retired Emperor, but I'm just a Duke!"
"My ancestors' graves would be cursed to smoke, and that would be mild!"
Li Shimin waved his hand: "No matter, no matter. I bought some fire trucks from the main world. I'll send a squadron of the Xuanjia Army to guard your Fang family's tombs. They can put out any fires whenever they start!"
Fang Er: "..."
"Thank you so much!"
He wanted to say more, but Li Shimin raised his hand to stop him.
The old man paced back and forth with his hands behind his back for a while. Finally, he gritted his teeth, stomped his foot, and dropped a bombshell.
"Since that's the case, I'll allay your concerns!"
"To tell you the truth, Gao Yang is not my biological daughter!"
"How about that? Are there any problems now?"
Fang Er: "???"
"Are you telling the truth?"
Gao Yang's birth mother had died early, and historical records only mentioned her mother as unknown.
However, Li Shimin's indulgence towards Gao Yang was well-known. Could it be that she wasn't his own daughter?
Li Shimin sighed to the heavens: "Actually, Gao Yang's birth mother was a concubine of the former Sui Emperor Yang Guang."
"After the fall of the Sui Dynasty, I couldn't bear to see her suffer in the common folk, so I brought her into the palace."
Fang Er quickly did some calculations in his mind.
The Yang family and the Li family were related. Li Shimin's grandmother and Yang Guang's mother were sisters, the fourth and seventh daughters of Dugu Xin, the Grand Marshal of the Northern Zhou.
Therefore, Yang Guang was Li Shimin's maternal uncle, and Li Shimin was Yang Guang's nephew.
This meant that Gao Yang's birth mother was actually Li Shimin's aunt-in-law...
"Holy cow, no wonder Old Li mentioned those movie names so fluently just now!"
"Turns out he's into that kind of thing!"
"Your circle... is truly messed up!"
Fang Er blurted out these words in a moment of surprise.
Li Shimin, not only unfazed, but even said proudly: "From an evolutionary perspective, this is called survival of the fittest!"
"Only powerful men can ensure a high survival rate for their offspring!"
"In this era of the fittest, a woman can only become a man's accessory!"
He looked meaningfully at Fang Er.
"Also, don't tell me you haven't heard of noble ladies keeping male consorts!"
Fang Er: "..."
"Why don't you just name my daughter-in-law, Wu Mei, directly?"
At this point, refusing would be impolite. Besides, both Fang Xin and Fang Yan were still more than ten years away from marriage.
The situation might change by then. Since that was the case, he might as well graciously grant Li Shimin his wish.
He asked for a pen and cinnabar ink and, like grading an exam, wrote Fang Yan's name and birth characters on each of the marriage contracts.
Li Shimin was overjoyed, his face blooming like a chrysanthemum. Fang Er signed one, and he collected it, blew on the ink, and carefully tucked it into his robes.
After the last one was signed, he didn't stay for dinner at Fang Family Village and returned to the palace with his guards.
In the Liangji Hall, a copier from the year 2030 sat on his imperial desk.
He plugged in the 220-volt power supply and rummaged through his belongings to find the signature Fang Er had given Cheng Yaojin.
"What is Erlang doing?"
Empress Dowager Changsun walked in with a bowl of ginseng soup. Seeing him busy with the machine, she asked.
Li Shimin pointed at the copier and smiled: "Guanyinbi, come and see."
"When I was over there, I heard someone say, 'From Nanjing to Beijing, the buyer is never as clever as the seller.' I couldn't agree more!"
"See this signature on the paper? Once it goes through this machine, you can make countless copies!"
"And no one can tell the difference!"
"This is something I bought with two gold ingots!"
"Later, I'll add a few more strokes to it. When the capital relocation ceremony takes place, I'll be the most dazzling person on this planet!"
As he spoke, he picked up a signature, put it into the copier, and pressed the power button.
"Whoosh..."
As the machine started, sheets of paper with Fang Er's signature began to emerge from the output slot.
Empress Dowager Changsun was stunned!
She stared at Li Er with shock. Was this still the man who had been an emperor?
When had he become so shameless!
The old eunuch Deng Dengjie stood at the doorway, listening to his master's words, his mouth twitching uncontrollably as if he had suffered a stroke.
What to do!
What to do?
Should I go and inform Duke Anguo? He had treated me well in the past. If I just stood by and watched him get fleeced by the Retired Emperor, my heart would ache...