Ouch…
I was woken up by being splashed with water. The first thing I did upon waking was gag. The acrid stench was several times worse than the smell of a corpse rat. If I had to choose between smelling fermented herring and that yellow smoke, I’d rather taste ten cans of fermented herring. The smell was utterly overwhelming.
It was not only pungent and made my eyes water, but it also induced a dizzying sensation. This fart was unbearable not just for me; even the rat demon that had possessed Gou Danzi was forced out of his body by the fumes.
After gagging for five or six minutes, until I felt like I had vomited everything in my stomach, I felt a little better. My ears were buzzing, I wasn’t sure if it was a lingering effect from the fumes or a symptom of my violent retching, but I could faintly hear people around me talking.
The voices were a jumbled mess, and I could only discern the general meaning by the volume of their speech. A simple analysis suggested some were extremely happy, some were flattering and saying nice things, and others were rambling about inconsequential matters they thought were important. In short, it was a scene of utter peace.
“He’s awake, he’s awake, Song kid is awake.”
“I told you Qingyun would be fine, and you were all worrying yourselves sick. Truly, long hair, short sense.”
“Thank heavens…”
Opening my eyes, I looked at what was in front of me and was momentarily bewildered. Everyone appeared as double images, and my eyes burned with a stinging pain, causing tears to stream down instantly. It seemed the aftereffects of Huang San’s fart hadn’t subsided yet.
“Oh dear, Song kid, why are you crying? Did it hurt when you were beaten? Come here, Sister Zhang will dote on you and wipe them for you…”
Then, a smell, like a foot-binding cloth that hadn’t been washed in who knows how many years, wafted directly into my nostrils. I instinctively curled into a ball, terrified. That smell was more potent than a nuclear bomb.
Fearing she would continue to try and wipe my tears, I quickly said, “Uh, Zhang… Sister Zhang, I’m fine. I was just momentarily moved by everyone’s caring words. Please let me cry for a bit.”
Hearing this, everyone present burst into laughter. Only I was close to bursting into tears. They all say you shouldn’t smell a weasel’s fart, and I’ve truly experienced it this time. It was more overwhelming than fermented herring. Damn it, I’ll settle accounts with Huang San when I get back.
After my tears flowed for a while, I felt much better. Everyone in the room was watching me anxiously. I forced out a smile that looked more like a cry than a smile. Without looking in a mirror, I knew my eyes were swollen even bigger than peaches.
Even though I could open my eyes now, my eyelids felt scorching hot and incredibly unsightly. Inside my eyelids, it felt like being pricked by needles, as if countless small bumps had grown there.
“How long was I unconscious? Did that rat demon that escaped from Gou Danzi get away?”
Sister Zhang squeezed through the crowd and quickly replied, “Only about ten minutes. That rat that escaped from Gou Danzi was carried away by Huang Da Xian.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. As long as it didn’t escape, that was enough. Otherwise, I had gone out, endured farts, and cried for half a day, all for nothing. If I didn’t get anything, I would have been furious!
“Alright, since the evil spirit has been captured, shouldn’t everyone go back to what they were doing?” After speaking, I prepared to get off the kang and go home. I had been out for most of the day. If I didn’t go back soon, I feared Bai Ling’er would tear my house down.
I got off the kang and put on my shoes. The moment I took a step, I felt lightheaded, as if I had just woken up from a heavy drinking session. I stumbled forward, heading straight for the ground. Just as I felt I was about to be disfigured, a figure appeared before me.
I felt my head hit something soft, with a pleasant yet indescribable scent. As I was pondering what it was…
Sister Zhang spoke, “Qingyun, you brat! How could you learn to take advantage of your old lady after being out for a month?”
Hearing this, I looked up sharply and realized I had just bumped into Sister Zhang’s chest. Startled, I quickly backed away and sat down on the kang. Fortunately, Brother Zhang wasn’t here. Otherwise, if he saw me taking advantage of his wife, wouldn’t he have slapped me to death?
Thinking of Brother Zhang, I suddenly remembered that not only Brother Zhang was unconscious in the yard, but also the village chief and Gou Danzi. Now that I was awake, what happened to them?
After all, even an ordinary weasel’s fart was toxic, containing neurotoxins. Moreover, Huang San was a weasel that had cultivated for who knows how many years, so the potency of this fart was naturally extraordinary.
“Qingyun, you must save my old man. You see, he’s still unconscious, foaming at the mouth, and won’t wake up no matter how we call him! Splashing water on his face is useless too.”
It was then that I noticed that besides myself, there were three other people lying on the kang: Brother Zhang, the village chief, and Gou Danzi, who had been fainted by Huang San’s fart.
The complexions of all three were a purplish hue, especially Gou Danzi, who appeared to be having difficulty breathing and seemed on the verge of death at any moment.
Why was Huang San so unreliable? He captured the evil spirit, but why didn’t he save the people? I still had to clean up his mess. However, I had no idea how to counteract his fart. I could only tell them to go to my house to get the antidote from Huang San.
“That’s easy. Just go to my house and ask that weasel for the antidote.”
“Who will go?”
Hearing this, everyone took a step back. Grandma Liu even shivered. Her right hand, which she had been gripping, was now hurting from the force of her grip.
“If we go to your house, won’t we be eaten by the Willow Immortal?”
“Exactly! And what about the Great Weasel Immortal who came earlier? Perhaps you should go back yourself!”
“That’s a talking Willow Immortal! If she demands a verbal decree, we’ll be finished…”
Me: “……”
Demanding a decree from my sister-in-law? I had seen Bai Ling’er’s strength with my own eyes. Did she need to demand a verbal decree? What a joke! If you’re scared, just say you’re scared. Why so many excuses?
When Gou Danzi was possessed by the evil spirit earlier, everyone was happy. Why were they now as scared as huskies when they saw a real wild immortal?
After much deliberation about who would go and who wouldn’t, I finally swayed my body and stood up. After adjusting, I ran towards home. I didn’t know how toxic Huang San’s fart was.
I had to hurry and get him to neutralize the poison. If these three people died, I would be in big trouble. I wouldn’t have earned any money, nor any merit, but instead, I would have caused the deaths of three people. Wouldn’t my ancestors beat me to death in the middle of the night?
Thinking of this, I sped up, as if I were riding on the Wind Fire Wheels. When I reached my doorstep, panting, I heard laughter coming from the courtyard.
“Huang San, you did a good job with this matter. I’m very pleased with you. Let’s have another drink, hic…”
“Isn’t it all thanks to Miss Bai’s guidance? Otherwise, how could I have caught this little rat? Come, boys, let’s all toast Miss Bai together. Cheers…”
“Cheers…”
Squeak—
Bang—
What a scene of drunken revelry! I was out there fighting for my life, and you two were feasting and drinking at home, in my house! This is too much!
Thinking of this, I kicked the door open with a bang. Before I could even speak, a scolding voice came from the courtyard.
“Who dares to kick our door? Do you know where this is? Be careful, I’ll bring my boys to torment you tonight and keep you from sleeping!” The voice was not only familiar but also incredibly arrogant, as if he were the master of the house.
Huang San stood on his hind legs, his paws behind his back. The whiskers around his mouth twitched, and his rat eyes were hazy with drunkenness as he staggered towards me.
“What? Do I need to announce myself to return to my own home?”
I looked past Huang San, knowing he couldn’t speak yet. It must have been Bai Ling’er who spoke earlier.
Seeing it was me, Huang San shivered and said, “Oh, isn’t this Mr. Xiao Song? Why have you returned so soon? Didn’t you say you were going to inquire about that so-called ‘Dan’ problem?”
“Inquire about what? Your fart almost suffocated them to death. What’s there to inquire about? Do you have the antidote? Hurry and bring it out.”
“Yes… Yes, I’ll get it right away.” Huang San nodded and reached behind him with his right paw, then pulled out three round little balls and handed them to me.
Before I could take them, I smelled a stench of feces. Are you kidding me? Can your dung balls be medicine?
“Hehe… Mr. Xiao, you might not know, but these are the antidotes. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Miss Bai. I haven’t lied to you.”
“Huang San is right. Wild immortals are not humans. Where would we find human medicine? Just let them eat these.” Su Dan Novel Network
I didn’t reach out to take them. Instead, I ran inside to get a small medicine bottle, then, covering my nose, I let Huang San put them in.
Looking at Bai Ling’er, who was lying on the recliner with a noticeably rounder belly, I felt a wave of speechlessness. “I knew you’d just eat. Aren’t you afraid of bursting? If you keep eating like this, you won’t be a beautiful snake anymore, you’ll be called a greedy snake.”
Bai Ling’er just rolled her eyes at me, telling me to get lost and not disturb her meal, or she would make me pay.
I shook my head helplessly. Bai Ling’er had been spoiled by Fifth Princess. It seemed the path to disciplining her would be incredibly long.
“Mr. Xiao, hurry back! I’ve saved a lamb leg for you.”
As the closing door sounded behind me, I was a little stunned. It was only then that I remembered who that voice belonged to. Wasn’t that Huang San? When did he learn to speak?
I wanted to turn back and ask for clarification, but then I remembered the two people still unconscious, especially the village chief, who was old. I didn’t know if there would be any problems if he was exposed to the smell for too long. I could only ask him when I returned.
Not long after leaving the house, I saw two figures running from a distance. One person was supporting someone who was not feeling well and running towards me. The two of them stumbled, tripping occasionally.
“Grandma Liu, we’re almost there, don’t worry.” The voice speaking was Aunt Zhang, comforting Grandma Liu, but her voice sounded somewhat hurried.
“I… How can I not worry? My old man’s face has turned black, he’s almost gone. How unreliable is this Song kid? He’s been gone for so long and hasn’t returned.”
Hearing this, I felt a pang of unease. My house was in the southernmost part of the village, while the village chief’s house was in the northwestern part. Even traveling in a straight line, it was two kilometers, not to mention the winding roads.
I ran home and got the ‘antidote’ from Huang San. I didn’t even have a sip of water. Besides, it wasn’t just the two of them who were affected. I was also poisoned by Huang’s ‘fart.’ I asked you all to come and get the medicine, but none of you came. Now you’re suffering. Where am I supposed to reason with you?
I could only vent my frustrations internally. At worst, they could settle with me financially. Anyway, I suffered, and I wouldn’t take this loss.
“Grandma Liu, Aunt Zhang, why are you running around in such a panic? Are you being chased by ghosts?”
“Chased by your grandmother’s leg! How long have you been gone? My old man is foaming at the mouth. Didn’t you say you’d be back soon? It’s been half an hour, and my old man is already foaming at the mouth…”