The room of Guan Yuxue was dim, and he lay in the large bed, sinking into darkness. His limbs thrashed about, his body slick with sweat.
He heard voices saying, “Monster, demon!”
“Why should such an ugly person live in this world? Has he done some evil deed and been punished by the devil?”
“It must be so. He doesn’t look like a good person at all.”
He wanted to clarify that he was a good child, but before he could open his mouth, small stones and rotten eggs were hurled at him.
“Outsider, get out of our school! Your living is a waste of air, and your death will be a waste of land.”
“He’s so pathetic, doesn’t he have any shame? Living like this is also a burden to his parents; his parents must be disgusted by him too.”
“No, no, Dad and Mom love me very much, really, it’s true. Everything I’m saying is true.”
“Hahaha, what is he gesturing with his hands? It’s disgusting. Let’s take a look at what a demon’s body looks like!”
His heart was screaming, No, no. His feet kept retreating, but the crowd pressed closer and closer.
He couldn't see their faces clearly, but the aura emanating from them made him unable to breathe. Eyes stared at him intently, and his shame reached its peak.
With nowhere left to retreat, a person several times larger and stronger than him stepped forward, shoved him onto the grass, and with a forceful tug, ripped off his clothes.
He struggled with all his might but still couldn't escape their clutches. He cried out, wanting to awaken their conscience and let him go, but he was met with heartless ridicule.
“Monsters are afraid too? People like you are born to be bullied by us normal people.”
“Yes, yes. It’s disgusting. It’s a disgrace to study at the same school as you.”
“With your conditions, you want to transfer schools? You’ll just wait to be our slave for a lifetime.”
“No, no, no! I don’t want to live like this forever, just let me die.”
“Dying isn’t that easy.”
The leader took out a chainsaw and made gestures all over his body. He had experienced this pain many times, and his heart had become numb.
The pain still stimulated his nerves, making him scream and try to escape. He tried to beg humbly, but it only earned him their revelry.
“Look at him, he’s so amusing. Like a stray dog.”
“Can you not insult dogs? Dogs are much more refined than him.”
“That’s true. Being able to make us happy is his greatest use. You should be very grateful to your parents for giving birth to you.”
“Why, why must I suffer? What did I do wrong?”
“You’re ugly, who can you blame for that? Ugliness is a sin. And you’re wearing so little, you’re deliberately trying to provoke us to hit you.”
“It’s your fortune to be our punching bag. You should hide in a garbage dump your entire life. You should be grateful for the sun you see when you come out.”
Guan Yuxue thought about his own face and hated his parents for giving birth to him, hated himself for wanting to die but being unable to.
Lying in bed, Guan Yuxue suddenly woke up and sat up abruptly. Then he curled into a ball, tears falling silently.
He turned on the light, picked up the compass on his nightstand, and fiercely jabbed it into his hand. He didn’t want to fall asleep again.
Although the pain hadn't truly appeared on him, the feeling in the dream was too real.
He couldn’t help but tremble all over just thinking about it. Why were there such evil people in the world? Why did they keep bothering him?
Guan’s mother pushed the door open and saw him self-harming. Instead of concern, there was only annoyance.
“What are you doing now? Who are you doing this for? Can’t you stop doing so many things every day? I revolve around you every day, what more do you want?”
Guan Yuxue lowered his head without showing any expression.
“I truly regret giving birth to you. You’re nothing but a burden to me. Not being able to speak isn’t a big deal; what’s the use of self-harm? Go ahead and die if you dare.”
After she finished speaking, she angrily walked over to bandage Guan Yuxue’s wound. Guan Yuxue pushed his hand away in rejection.
Guan’s mother ignored his wound and forcefully pulled his hand back. “I don’t want others to say I abuse you. What’s with the sentimentality for a boy?”
Guan Yuxue looked up into her eyes, wanting to know how a person’s change could be so drastic.
Why would the mother who had once been so meticulous and caring now look at him with such disdain and disgust?
“Lower your head. Looking at your face makes me sick. Thinking that you are my child makes me even sicker. What bad karma did I accumulate in my past life to give birth to such a troublesome thing?”
Guan Yuxue felt a pang in his heart. Even though he had heard it several times, he couldn't help but feel distressed.
Outsiders disliked him, the people in his dreams bullied him, and his family also found him displeasing. What was the meaning of his existence? But death was truly too frightening.
If even a small injury hurt this much, how much would death hurt?
After Guan’s mother finished, she left on her own. Guan Yuxue turned off the light, curled up in his quilt, and spaced out.
Guan’s mother returned to the bedroom, looked at Guan’s father who was sleeping soundly, and forcefully slapped him awake.
“What are you doing? I have work tomorrow.”
“Is he my son alone? With so much commotion, don’t you know to check on him?”
“What’s there to see? It’s the same as always. Don’t make trouble. I have a lot to do tomorrow.”
“You have a lot to do. I’m not working; I’m idle. Don’t you know why I’m not working? Do you resent me?”
“What are you going crazy about? If I don’t work, how will this family eat? Isn’t it all for our family? Can’t you stop being unreasonable?”
“Is it for our family, or for that vixen outside? Don’t think I don’t know. You’d better not go too far.”
“What nonsense are you talking about? I don’t want to talk to you.”
“What, guilty? The lipstick mark on your neck wasn’t even wiped off when you came back today. You resent me for not being able to give birth and want to find someone outside to give birth for you? Let me tell you, it’s not certain whose problem it is. Don’t end up raising someone else’s child.”
“What lipstick mark? I don’t understand. Don’t make trouble for me. I’m already tired enough from work every day. I think you’re just too idle at home, always suspecting things.”
“Hmph, you’ll never get rid of us, mother and son. You’d better behave yourself.”
Guan’s father continued to sleep, ignoring her. He thought about getting a check-up tomorrow, while Guan’s mother kept muttering to herself.