So… here we are.
Of all the ways today could have gone wrong — getting food poisoning, tripping down the Skytree stairs, maybe getting lost in Tokyo’s train maze — this was not what I imagined. Ruka. Of all people, Ruka saw us.
Not just us hanging out together.
Not just holding hands.
Not just walking romantically during sunset.
But right at the exact damn moment I gave Keiko a quick peck on the lips.
I could feel my soul leave my body.
And now, here we are — the three of us, sitting in a small café near Tokyo Skytree. The atmosphere was so awkward, I swear I could hear the clock ticking behind the counter. I’m honestly impressed the glass in this place wasn’t cracking from the sheer weight of secondhand embarrassment radiating from me.
Still… should I be grateful? I mean, it’s Ruka after all — way better than having that gossip queen Aki catch us.
Keiko was sipping her iced tea like nothing happened, but her red cheeks betrayed her calm façade. I was sweating like a guilty anime protagonist caught in a compromising position. And Ruka? She was staring at us like a police officer about to interrogate two suspects who had just robbed a donut shop.
“Uhmm… so…” Ruka finally broke the silence. Keiko and I instantly perked up like startled deer.
She cleared her throat, clearly trying to phrase it as carefully as possible. “What’s your relationship?”
Neither of us dared to answer.
I glanced at Keiko, hoping she’d handle this one. She looked back at me at the exact same time. Our eyes met.
And like a coward, I immediately looked away.
Great. Now I probably looked like a suspicious girlfriend caught cheating on a soap opera.
Ruka sighed heavily. “Okay, I’ll make it easier. What were you two doing?”
Again, silence.
I could hear someone’s spoon clinking against a teacup two tables away, and it somehow felt louder than a fire alarm in my ears.
Ruka was getting visibly more desperate. “Are you… dating?”
I choked on my drink.
Wow. That was direct.
Even Keiko, the queen of calm and cool, fidgeted in her seat. But then — and this is where I momentarily thought salvation had arrived — Keiko opened her mouth and said, “No.”
“No?” Ruka raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
Keiko nodded like a slow-moving bobblehead.
Then Ruka turned her sharp, squinting gaze to me. It felt like she could see into my soul.
“You sure?”
I gulped and mimicked Keiko’s nod. Slowly. Hesitantly. Like one of those guys in a thriller movie agreeing with the bad guy to avoid getting whacked.
Ruka let out an exhausted sigh. “Then… why were you holding hands? And… and…” She hesitated, her cheeks slightly pink, “kissing?”
Ah. There it was. The final boss question.
I panicked. My brain did that thing where it pulls out the most idiotic response possible, bypassing every ounce of logic and reason I had.
“It’s a friend kiss,” I blurted out.
A what now.
“A… friend kiss?” Ruka repeated like she didn’t just hear the dumbest thing of the century.
I nodded enthusiastically, already digging my own grave. “Yeah! You know, like… girl friendship stuff. Super normal. I mean, in America, friends kiss all the time, right? It’s a… a culture thing!”
I even flashed a peace sign, like some clueless foreign exchange student on their first day in Tokyo.
Ruka’s expression went from confused to deadpan disbelief.
“No. Us girls here don’t do that,” she replied flatly. “Keiko, did you ever kiss me as a friend?”
Keiko’s face was so red I thought she was going to melt into a puddle. I mentally begged her to go along with it.
Before she could answer, I doubled down on my idiocy. “Well, uh… it’s not Japanese culture but like, you know, American movies and stuff! We saw it in a movie recently and thought — hey, let’s try it!”
Ruka squinted at me. “Since when did you want to be American?”
“You never know, could be my secret dream.”
I smiled, hoping my comedic charm would get us out of this one.
And then — plot twist of the century.
“Stop it, Ryusei,” Keiko said softly.
Dead. I was dead.
Wait.
WHAT DID SHE JUST CALL ME?!
My eyes shot wide open. Ruka gasped.
“Ryusei? W-Who’s Ryusei!?” Ruka demanded.
Keiko, as cool as a cucumber on the outside but still redder than a tomato on the inside, pointed at me with all the casual confidence of someone ordering coffee.
“She is Ryusei,” Keiko said flatly. “My husband.”
…what.
WHAT.
I nearly fell out of my chair. Ruka literally jumped up, her voice raising several octaves. “WHAAAT!?”
People turned to look at our table. The staff behind the counter paused mid-coffee pour. One kid dropped his fork.
I slapped my palm against my forehead. “Keiko, what are you doing!?”
Keiko kept sipping her tea like this was just another Tuesday.
My brain completely froze. This was spiraling fast.
Ruka’s face twisted in confusion. “Okay, wait. I knew you were married, Keiko — you told us your husband was missing months ago! Don’t you remember how we were all so worried for you?!”
“Mm-hmm,” Keiko hummed, taking a sip of her tea like we were chatting about the weather.
Ruka’s eyes darted back and forth between us. “Then who the hell is Ryuko?! You calling her Ryusei now… what is happening here? Are you telling me… she’s your missing husband?!”
I awkwardly scratched the back of my head, sweat practically pouring down my neck. “Uhh… Surprise?”
Ruka’s jaw dropped so hard it practically hit the table. “NO WAY. No. Freaking. Way. How is that even possible?! Keiko’s husband was a guy — you know, tall, scruffy, kinda dorky! And you— You’re—” She pointed at me dramatically. “You're tall, dorky too... but-but... You’re a GIRL!”
Keiko gave a small, smug smile. “Yup. That’s my husband.”
Ruka blinked rapidly. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF DRAMA SERIES PLOT TWIST IS THIS?!”
“I-it’s a long story,” I stammered, waving my hands frantically. “Like, super long. Top secret. Uh… witness protection! Government science! Aliens! Parallel universe—take your pick!”
Ruka’s mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. “You’re messing with me.”
“Nope.” Keiko placed a hand on my shoulder.
“I—what—but—you—” Ruka stuttered so hard it sounded like a car failing to start.
Then she went completely still. Silent. Eyes wide, pupils shrinking.
“Oh no,” I muttered, seeing the signs too late.
And with a tiny, breathless, “Nuh-uh…” Ruka dramatically slumped sideways, falling out of her chair in the most over-the-top faint I’d ever seen.
Thunk.
Keiko blinked, setting her cup down. “Well… that was dramatic.”
I peered over the table at Ruka sprawled on the floor, arms flopped out like a ragdoll. “Still… should I be grateful? I mean, it’s Ruka. Way better than if Aki caught us. She would’ve gone live on Instagram before I could explain.”
Keiko sighed, standing up and crouching beside Ruka. “Is she breathing?”
“Yeah. She’s twitching, though.”
Keiko poked Ruka’s cheek. “Ruka. Hey.”
Ruka’s eyelids fluttered. “Is it… a dream? Is God pranking me?”
“Nope,” I grinned nervously. “Reality’s worse.”
Ruka sat up like a zombie, staring at us with a haunted expression. “You two better explain EVERYTHING. Right now.”
I exchanged a look with Keiko. “Uh… do you want the short version, or the drama-packed director’s cut?”
Ruka glared at me. “I swear, if you say ‘aliens’ again, I’m shoving this teacup down your throat.”
Keiko chuckled softly.
“Well then,” I sighed, slumping into my seat. “Guess it’s story time.”
And so began one of the weirdest, most ridiculous explanations of my entire life.
---
I sighed, slumping in my seat while Keiko calmly sipped her tea, acting like nothing happened.
As the tension lifted, Ruka chuckled, “Man, I did not see this coming.”
“Me neither,” I muttered.
Keiko smirked, “Well, now you know.”
And just like that, what was supposed to be a romantic evening turned into a comedy of errors and one hell of a secret revealed.
I swear, my life’s always turning into a sitcom.