I let out a deep exhale, arms crossed, watching Junpei bawl his eyes out like a three-year-old who just dropped his ice cream. He was already sobbing the moment he opened the door, and now we were seated in his small, slightly messy apartment. Empty ramen cups and manga were stacked like a tower of bad life decisions on his table.
I sighed. “Alright, man… so, what happened?”
Junpei tried to speak between his sobs.
“Igotfhcheedddfhh!!”
I blinked. “Uh… sorry, what now?”
He wailed louder, throwing his head back like a dying animal.
“Igoftchfmeaaaa waaaaaaa—!!”
“…What?”
I squinted, trying to decipher whatever alien language he was attempting. At this point, it sounded like a mix between a crying baby and someone gargling marbles.
I waved my hand, trying to calm him. “Wait, wait — one more time, slowly… in human.”
He sniffed and with a trembling voice managed to croak, “I… got… cheated… on.”
Ah. Now that was clear.
I sighed and gave his shoulder a light pat. “Alright, alright, buddy. I got you.”
He nodded like a bobblehead on fast-forward, fresh tears streaming down his face again.
“And then… she callingfh the wedsinghhoffhh…”
“Wait, wait — the wedding’s off?”
He nodded again, clutching his whiskey glass like it was his last lifeline. Poor guy. I mean, this was the first woman he actually got serious about. I still remembered how smug he was, announcing he was going to marry her. A carefree, pervy guy like Junpei settling down? It shocked everyone. I even thought he got possessed.
“Damn, man… I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, sniffling. “It’s… not your fault. You’ve been busy with your family and work and stuff.”
“Yeah, well… it’s still no excuse for being a crappy friend. Should’ve checked in on you sooner.”
He chuckled weakly. “You sucked as a friend before too.”
I smirked. “Yeah? Well, now I suck slightly less. Small victories.”
He gave a pitiful laugh, and I could feel the mood start to ease just a little. Good. If I could make him laugh, I could get him through this.
“You really loved her, huh?” I asked softly.
He groaned, face twisting into a mix of heartbreak and disgust. “I mean… yeah. It’s the first time I ever thought about getting married, y’know? Like, real marriage. Kids. House. PlayStation 6.”
I raised a brow. “Wait — PlayStation 6 isn’t even out yet.”
“I KNOW!” he cried, “I WAS PLANNING A FUTURE, DAMMIT!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well… at least you found out now before you spent money on a ring, a suit, and a useless PS6 pre-order that probably gets delayed anyway.”
He sniffed. “I hate you… but you’re right.”
“Good. I’d be worried if you started loving me.”
He looked at me, pretending to gag. “Even if you’re a woman now, I wouldn’t date you in a million years.”
“Same, bro.” I smirked.
The air in the room shifted as we both chuckled at the same time. It felt stupid, and maybe a little sad, but it was better than drowning in gloom.
“Hey,” I nudged him. “What happened to that big speech you always gave? ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea, bro.’ Where’s that Junpei spirit?”
He took a long sip of whiskey, wiped his mouth, then suddenly sprang to his feet like a man possessed.
“THERE’S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA!” he shouted.
“Whoa, easy there, Captain Tuna. Sit your ass down before you fall over.”
He ignored me and raised his glass to the ceiling. “TO NEW WOMEN!”
I facepalmed. “Okay, maybe tone down the drunk optimism just a notch.”
Junpei grinned at me, cheeks red. “You know what, Ryusei? I’m not gonna sit around moping like some sad anime protagonist! Tomorrow… I’m hitting a goukon!”
(A brief explanation for you readers out there — a goukon is basically a Japanese group blind date, usually organized by friends to hook people up in casual, boozy settings. Think speed dating mixed with too much alcohol and your friends judging your flirting skills.)
I stared at him. “Wait… what? That fast? Didn’t you just finish crying your eyeballs out five minutes ago?”
“Time waits for no man, bro!” he said dramatically, pointing at me. “Besides, rebound love is the best love.”
“I’m like 99% sure that’s terrible advice.”
Junpei then started giggling like a child who’d just stolen candy, twirling his empty whiskey glass.
“YAHOOOOOO~!” he cheered, spinning in place.
That’s when it hit me.
Oh no.
He was tipsy.
I gulped.
Time to make my escape.
I slowly grabbed my coat, inching toward the door like a ninja. But Junpei spotted me.
“Where ya goin’, Ryuseiiii~? Stay over! Let’s drink more and watch bad movies!”
“Nope,” I replied quickly, pointing at my still-sniffling nose. “I’m sick. Remember? The whole sneeze-in-your-face incident from earlier?”
He blinked, then made a disgusted face. “Oh yeah… damn, that was nasty.”
“Yeah, well — you lived. So count your blessings.”
Junpei dramatically flopped onto his couch. “Fine… but you better come drinking next weekend.”
“I’ll consider it. If you survive your goukon.”
“Oh, I’m not just gonna survive it. I’m gonna thrive!”
I snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Try not to hit on any married women this time.”
“Oi, that was one time!”
“Twice, actually.”
He scowled, but a playful grin crept onto his face. “Thanks for coming, Ryusei… really.”
I gave him a small smile. “What’re bro for, dumbass.”
And with that, I left his apartment, already bracing myself for whatever insane goukon stories he was gonna bombard me with next.
Poor bastard. But that’s Junpei for you.