Wan'er took the bowl and left the room. Fan Xian looked at Sisi lying on the bed and said gently, "Rest well."

Sisi usually slept in the outer room of the main bedroom in the Fan residence, but today the doctor suddenly discovered she was pregnant, and Madam Liu took it upon herself to have a few comfortable rooms prepared for her to move into.

Fan Xian turned his head to look at the furnishings in the room, feeling secretly grateful to Madam Liu. Looking at Sisi's pale and haggard face, he felt a pang of guilt and said softly, "It's my fault, I was the last to know."

At this moment, as the head of the family, Fan Xian should have shown a gentle and joyful side, saying more pleasant words to calm the pregnant woman. However, after saying just a few words, he choked up, staring blankly at Sisi's face, unable to speak for a long while.

After a period of silence, Sisi's eyes turned slightly red, and she bit her lip, saying, "Young Master, I can tell you're not happy."

"How could that be?" Fan Xian was taken aback, and said with a wry smile, "It's just too sudden, I wasn't prepared at all."

He took the girl's hand, gently stroking it, and said with a smile, "In my heart, you're still that big girl who always stood by my side, grinding ink and adding fragrance. It doesn't feel like long ago that we left Danzhou... and now you're going to be a mother."

"We left Danzhou three years ago, my confused Young Master."

Sisi smiled through her tears, leaning against the bed, looking at him with gentle eyes. Whether they were living and traveling together in Jiangnan, or after formally entering the household in Danzhou, she still habitually called Fan Xian "Young Master" and never changed her address.

"Even if I become an old man, I'm afraid I still won't be ready," Fan Xian said, patting her hand with pity. "Being a father is indeed a bit scary."

"Young Master can do anything... Besides, giving birth is a woman's business."

"Can do anything? Giving birth is a woman's business, but teaching children is a man's business... Raising a child is much more difficult than writing poetry and killing people."

Fan Xian smiled self-deprecatingly, reaching into the quilt to carefully caress Sisi's slightly bulging belly. He couldn't help but blame himself, saying, "Father said it's been four months... Why didn't you tell me... Even if you're shy, you should have told the Young Madam."

Sisi felt the movement of his palm on her abdomen, her cheeks flushed slightly. She pulled the quilt up to her neck, and said with a slight fear, "I'm afraid... I'm afraid it's fake."

"How can pregnancy be fake?" Fan Xian closed his eyes, feeling the rise and fall beneath his palm, and a complex mix of emotions arose in his heart. There was joy, there was fear, and a slight ache... Was that his child in her womb?

He really couldn't accept the fact that he was going to be a father for a moment. The fear actually outweighed the joy. Fortunately, he was clear-headed at this time, and wouldn't show it in front of Sisi, otherwise Sisi, who was about to become a mother for the first time, would definitely hate him.

Fan Xian scratched his head with a headache, saying, "What should I do now?"

Sisi couldn't help but chuckle, "Young Master, of course you should eat when you're supposed to eat, sleep when you're supposed to sleep. You can't just keep watch over me every day because I'm pregnant."

Fan Xian suddenly reached out and gently turned over Sisi's wrist, placing his fingers on it, closing his eyes and tilting his head to listen carefully to her pulse.

At this moment, Wan'er happened to walk in. Seeing her husband taking Sisi's pulse, she opened her big eyes and asked curiously, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

Fan Xian slowly moved his fingers away, and said with a smile, "It's not that easy to tell. Do you think my fingers are an ultrasound?"

……

……

"Ultrasound?" Wan'er and Sisi frowned at this new term, unable to understand it.

Fan Xian coughed twice, and told Sisi to pay attention to some things in daily life, especially to avoid catching a cold. Then he walked out the door and called over the wife of the head servant Teng, instructing her in detail. Of course, the servants should be healthy, and the diet should not be just fish and meat, but rather select nutritious dishes.

"Is there goat's milk in the manor?"

The wife of the head servant Teng nodded excitedly. The child in Sisi's belly was the first grandchild of the Fan family, and the servants couldn't help but be excited.

Getting a positive answer, Fan Xian said, "One bowl every day, be sure to boil it."

Inside the house, Sisi nestled beside Wan'er, sadly saying, "I don't like to drink goat's milk."

Lin Wan'er thought for a while. When she was treating her lung disease, Fan Xian forced her to drink goat's milk every day. The strong smell was really unbearable. She couldn't help but smile at the door and say, "Is this goat's milk some kind of elixir?"

Fan Xian turned his head and smiled, "Although it's not an elixir, it's definitely a very good thing. It's just that the smell is a bit strong, Sisi, you have to bear with it and keep drinking it."

Lin Wan'er suddenly thought of the method Siqi had thought of at the time, and said happily, "Let Siqi do this. I don't know if she puts in almond or jasmine tea, but a slight astringent taste removes the smell."

Hearing that Siqi would be in charge of her diet, Sisi, who was leaning on the bed, felt very uneasy. She was originally a big girl with the same status as Siqi, but now that she was pregnant, her treatment had suddenly improved so much that she was afraid to take it, fearing that everyone in the mansion would gossip about her. Subconsciously, she wanted to refuse.

Fan Xian waved his hand and said, "There are not so many formalities in this backyard. When you were a maid, didn't I still give you a back massage... Let Siqi work hard, I just don't know if the method will work."

Sisi's face turned red, but she noticed that Siqi's proud face flashed outside the door. The girl smiled and said, "Of course this method works. I made Miss's goat's milk every day at that time, just filter out the tea dregs with gauze."

Wan'er smiled and glared at her, "Look how proud you are."

Sisi insisted on calling Fan Xian Young Master, and Siqi insisted on calling Wan'er Miss. This family has a pair of male and female masters, plus two big girls, the address was really a bit strange. Perhaps only a man like Fan Xian, who had experience in his previous life, would not care about the so-called status. Fortunately, the three girls could cooperate with his steps, which was a great kindness.

"Usually, you have to get more sun, don't believe those old wives' tales, you'll die of suffocation if you don't let the wind in." Fan Xian suddenly thought of something, and said very seriously to Teng's wife and Wan'er, knowing that if Madam Liu suddenly became old-fashioned, only these two could help Sisi speak.

"Tsk, tsk..." Teng's wife quickly spat twice and said, "It's a happy day today, how can you say that word?"

Fan Xian was too lazy to pay attention to her, and said to himself, "Vegetables and fruits must be guaranteed, these are essential." Turning back to Sisi, he said, "You have to eat even when you don't feel like eating... Some snacks, let the girls take care of it."

"Okay, okay." Teng's wife had a thick skin, and blocked Fan Xian's mouth, saying, "It's the first one after all, and there will be hundreds and thousands of grandchildren in the future. If the Young Master is so nervous and nagging, we servants will be tormented to death."

——————————————————————

Fan Xian comforted Sisi a few more times, and told a few jokes to relax her tense mind, then took Wan'er's small hand and left the room. The two strolled casually in the backyard, and along the way they saw several quite capable servants in the mansion rushing over, bowing respectfully when they saw them, but occasionally revealing a trace of embarrassment in their expressions.

"What are they doing?" Fan Xian frowned and asked.

Wan'er smiled and said, "They're all going to congratulate Sisi. When they see me... of course they'll feel a little embarrassed."

"What's embarrassing?" Fan Xian was not so foolish, but he was worried that Wan'er really had a knot in her heart, so he asked deliberately.

Wan'er glared at him, leaned her head on his shoulder, and said softly, "What do you think?"

Fan Xian patted her fleshy face and asked with a smile, "Are you really happy or pretending to be happy?"

Wan'er's face, which had not completely shed its childishness, revealed a matronly composure, and still said those three words: "What do you think?"

……

……

"Am I really nervous?" Fan Xian took Wan'er's hand and walked to a stone bench beside a rockery to sit down, hugging Wan'er in his lap. The place was quiet, and no servants passed by. Wan'er felt slightly shy, but let him do as he pleased.

"You're not careful at all."

Wan'er complained, and suddenly thought of the question he asked, raised her head after thinking for a moment, and stared at him with her watery eyes. After a long while, she said seriously, "That's what I want to ask you, why do you seem not very happy, and... seem a little nervous and scared... What are you worried about? Are you really worried about my feelings? You should know I'm not that kind of person."

Fan Xian shook his head, smiled and hugged her tighter, and said after pondering for a long while, "I don't know, maybe I'm really not mentally prepared to be a father."

"What kind of preparation is needed?" Wan'er had long been accustomed to her husband's way of thinking, which was not very close to that of the men in this world, and asked curiously.

"For example... whether I can create a good growing environment for the next generation?"

Wan'er smiled and said, "Let's not think about problems that are too far away, I'm more curious about whether the child in Sisi's belly is a boy or a girl?"

"Didn't I say before..."

"Yes, you can't ultrasound the odds."

"Using the term 'ultrasound the odds' is very clever."

"Do you prefer a boy or a girl?"

"A girl." Fan Xian said decisively.

Lin Wan'er looked at him with some doubt, and after a long while, seemed to understand something, and sighed, "No wonder you weren't very happy after you knew you were having a child... I guess you felt that Sisi was no longer a girl."

Fan Xian was puzzled and asked blankly, "Why do you think so?"

"Girls are pearls, but after giving birth, they will gradually age and turn into fish eyes, and you... like pearls, even if you don't play with them, it's good to look at them." Lin Wan'er said with a smile: "These are the words you wrote yourself, don't deny it."

Fan Xian smiled self-deprecatingly. This was Cao Gong's view, which was somewhat similar to his own... but this was not the real reason why he still couldn't be happy after learning that he would have offspring.

……

……

"Even if I turn into fish eyes, I still want to have a child for you." Lin Wan'er stared at him blankly, gently biting her lower lip, softly but forcefully.

Fan Xian smiled and nodded, then said solemnly, "I know there are some strange rules in this world, such as the children born by concubines have to call the wife mother, and some are even raised by the wife from childhood, and rarely get to see their biological mother."

Lin Wan'er looked at him, frowned slightly, and vaguely guessed what he was going to say.

"Although all the big families in the world are like this," Fan Xian looked at her very seriously, "but we don't want to be like this."

It was not a request, not a requirement, but a notification that could not be refused, it was "don't want to."

Fan Xian didn't want to say such serious words at this time to disturb Wan'er's already sad mood, but he was really scared by the mixed up middle-aged fish eye played by Gao Wa when he was watching the big family drama in the hospital in his previous life.

Lin Wan'er nodded, a touch of sadness flashed in her eyes, and said slowly, "I understand what you mean."

"Don't be sad." Fan Xian smiled after a moment of silence, "You have also seen the improvements I have made to that medicine in Hangzhou in the past six months, and the most important thing is... Mr. Fei will come tomorrow. Since he dares to come to see us, he naturally has good things to give us."

The delicate body in his arms suddenly shook, and Lin Wan'er looked at his eyes in disbelief, and said in surprise, "Is it true?"

Although this news made Wan'er happy, Fan Xian knew that his unrelenting words still hurt the other person's heart. Just for the sake of Sisi and the child in Sisi's belly, he had to say what he had to say in advance. At this moment, he sighed softly, firstly because he really had a stuffiness in his heart that needed to be sighed out, and secondly because Mr. Jin had let Xiaobao play this trick in the past life in the Deer and the Cauldron, which was effective against girls.

Sure enough, Wan'er saw that his face was heavy, and immediately swept away the little grievances in her heart, and asked with concern, "What's wrong?"

"Earlier, you also saw that after knowing the news that Sisi was pregnant, I was not very happy... but rather a little scared..." Fan Xian lowered his head, as if trying to find inner support and comfort from his wife's body.

"There are actually several reasons."

The first reason was naturally to worry that Wan'er would be saddened by the scene, which had been mentioned briefly earlier. As for the second reason, it was actually very simple.

"I am a person without a father." Fan Xian said with a smile: "Although I have a father, or even two fathers, but when I was in Danzhou, I didn't have any of them, and the real one, it seems, never acted as my father."

It was a very awkward sentence, but Wan'er understood it, and looked around vigilantly, confirming that this sentence would not be heard by others.

"Father treats me very well, but you understand, this is not the same thing after all. As for the one in the palace... since I came to Kyoto from Danzhou, I have seen him through, even your Crown Prince brother and Second Royal Brother are driven like donkeys, let alone my illegitimate son."

"I am a person without a father." Fan Xian repeated, emphasizing his tone, "So I am very afraid that I will not be able to be a father, so my first reaction was panic and anxiety."

Fan Xian had no parents in his previous life, and he has no parents in this life. What is even more tragic is that the old gods were too bad in the previous life, and the parents were too bad in this life - yes, in the depths of his heart, he has always believed that his mother did a very poor job in the education of his children, which made him very sad.

His two life growth experiences have this aspect of deficiency, which has brought great shadows to his psychology. Perhaps he had not noticed it in the past, but today's good news from the Fan family completely reflected his dark side. He subconsciously refused to admit that he was going to become a father.

Lin Wan'er looked at him with pity on her face.

"My mother doesn't love me either." Fan Xian said somewhat woodenly: "Perhaps you don't believe it, but... she really doesn't love me."

Unable to love, or not to love? The world always thought that Ye Qingmei was Fan Xian's mother, but only he himself knew that after being reborn into this world, he only had curiosity and a kind of inexplicable emotion for that distant woman. But as he gradually grew up, the people around him kept talking about that once glorious woman, the things around him kept telling about that woman's past, and the traces around him kept reminding Fan Xian of that woman's existence.

Over time, Fan Xian, who had never gained maternal love in his previous life, finally got used to this point, and began to gradually accept that his mother was Ye Qingmei, and began to be infatuated with this name - the lonely souls of the two time-travelers may have been connected by the strongest bond of mother and child.

He admitted this, and in the cave in Xishan, Beiqi, he said this in front of Xiao En.

But after reading the letter in the box, and knowing many stories of the past, Fan Xian had to tell himself that Ye Qingmei did not love himself, not referring to his alien soul, but also had not much love for the son of this flesh. He inherited Ye Qingmei's Monitoring Institute and the Qingyu Hall of the Inner Treasury, the contacts and close comrades of the past, but these were not deliberately left to him by her, and even if they were left to him, so what?

"My mother doesn't love me." Fan Xian said calmly: "Otherwise, she wouldn't have left me alone."

Lin Wan'er wanted to comfort him who was somewhat lost, but she didn't know what to say. She had been raised in the palace since she was a child, of course she knew how glorious that deceased mother-in-law was.

"It's not just because of this." Fan Xian frowned and thought, when that box was opened, he was somewhat disappointed, because that letter was left for Uncle Wu Zhu, not for himself, especially the content of the letter made him even more disappointed.

"She calls me a mixed-up son." He said with a smile: "And she didn't leave me a word... she just left like that."

"This kind of indifference, this kind of calmness, seems a little calm to the point of absurdity." Fan Xian frowned and thought about his melodramatic life, and always felt that his birth might have been a very absurd thing.

He continued to say, but Wan'er listened with some chill.

"She didn't tell me how to survive in such a dangerous world. She didn't tell me who was trustworthy. She didn't tell me how to eat rice, and how to love my wife."

Fan Xian laughed: "She has great love for the common people of the world, but she has no concern for her own children, isn't this very mixed-up? Perhaps only such a mixed-up mother can give birth to a mixed-up son like me."

After saying this, Fan Xian coughed softly, and Lin Wan'er came down from his lap and beat his back one by one.

Fan Xian waved his hand and said with a smile: "Fortunately, I still have a father..." He pointed to the direction of the front house, and said again: "And a grandmother, and those two weird old men, otherwise I really don't know what I would have become in this life."

Fan Xian has always been a very self-controlled and cautious person, and there are not many times like today when he feels so much. Lin Wan'er has been unable to interrupt, and seeing him gradually get rid of the sigh, she simply smiled and looked at him, listening to his inner monologue alone.

"Listen to me sing a song." Fan Xian suddenly said very seriously.

Lin Wan'er nodded, a little curious, what kind of folk song would a big man sing?

Fan Xian opened his lips and sang, his voice was clear and bright with three points of sadness. His voice was not good, but this tune was extraordinarily melancholy, and the melancholy was with three points of hope, like a child after the rain who propped his chin under the eaves and waited for his mother to return, like a white cloth doll blown by the wind and rain under the eaves, drifting and floating, without any force, only being pulled by that line, an unspeakable sadness, but looking into the distance.

……

……

A song ended.

"What does it mean?"

Fan Xian sang a kind of text that Lin Wan'er had never heard, and the pronunciation of the letters was a little strange.

"The general meaning of the lyrics is very simple. Probably is...

Mother, are you well?

Yesterday I was on the branches of the cedar tree

I saw a bright star

The star stared at me

Like Mother, very gentle

I said to the star

You have to withstand setbacks

It's a boy

If you feel lonely

I'll come to talk to you

One day, maybe

So that's it, I look forward to hearing from you

Mother

Ikyu

Ikyu

……

……

Mother, are you well?

Yesterday, the kittens in the temple

Were taken away by the people in the next village

The kitten cried

Hugging her cat mother tightly

I said

Don't cry

You won't be lonely

You are a boy

You will see Mom again

Someday, for sure

So that's it, I look forward to hearing from you

Mother

Ikyu

Ikyu "

……

……

Fan Xian smiled and looked at Wan'er, whose eyes were already red, and said, "Is it good?"

"Yeah." Wan'er hummed through her nose and asked, "Is Ikyu the child who wrote the letter? So pitiful."

"Yes, a very smart, but pitiful little child who can't live with his mother." Fan Xian said with a smile: "Very similar to me... but he wrote a letter and he can send it with an address, but where can I send a letter to?"

"What is the name of this song?"

"Mother."

———————————————————————

In the quiet bedroom, with the faint light of the sky shining in from the window, Fan Xian took out the key, gently opened the outermost layer of the black long box, and then pressed a few times with steady fingers, and suddenly began to miss Uncle Wu Zhu.

Slowly taking out the metal instrument above and the thin letter, Fan Xian didn't take a second look, because he was too familiar with the content of that letter.

He just stared at the strip of paper on the third layer, the strip of paper that seemed to be blown away by the wind at any time. The strip of paper was written in Ye Qingmei's straight handwriting.

"Hey! If it's Wu Zhu... honestly confess, who are you?"

Fan Xian moved his lips slightly, like that rainy night, and said, "I am your son."

"How did you open this box?"

"I guess it's either my daughter or my son. Look at the things below when you get someone pregnant, remember!"

……

……

He opened the third layer, took out that thing from inside, glanced at the words on it, and then couldn't help but smile bitterly, and said to himself: "It really is an abortion pill, I said Mom... can your spoof be a little creative?"

He was silent in the room for a long time, then raised his head, and said seriously to the box with a confident smile: "Mom, I got someone pregnant, but I won't use this thing. You always used to treat everything as a joke, so in the end you left me laughably, but I am different, I will try to live in this world, as for my daughter or son... Please believe me, I will take good care of him... at least, I will do better than you."

……

……

(Just say one thing first: I sympathize with Wan'er, the future will be better, trust me.

Some people guessed that the third layer was going to be opened, and most of them guessed Durex and emergency contraceptives... I can only say that everyone's imagination has exceeded my or Xiao Yezi's talent for spoofing, and I admire it very much.

Today's chapter has a lot of words, because I have always wanted to write a paragraph, what to write? Not Fan Xian's psychological shadow, but his feelings for Ye Qingmei, the kind of resentful thoughts that should be there after being truly positioned as a son... Mother doesn't love me, I have put this label in the draft for more than half a year, and I have always wanted to write it, and today I finally wrote it, very good.

That song is my favorite song, Ikyu's ending song, Fujita Toshiko's "Mother", you can search it on Baidu, please listen to it if you haven't heard it, it's really great, this is also what I have been marking in the draft that Fan Xian must sing, he must sing it.

The abortion pill is naturally a big killer that Ye Qingmei classmate prepared in the first place, but Fan Xian's existence proves that she has never used it, and then she regarded this as the most important inheritance in this world and passed it on to her descendants, a more important inheritance than the Monitoring Institute and the Inner Treasury... From this it can be seen that she loves her mixed-up son, Fan Xian must clearly realize this.

These words and that song are not included in the word count, and the monthly ticket is still in double, the second child is not good to listen to, but he is very handsome, and he is overjoyed, please continue to support, I am already very grateful.

Finally, I can't help but want to say one more sentence: To use Ikyu's song to write about Xiao Yezi, this... is really a kind of fate.)