"From today onward, you shall begin to uphold your oath to Her Majesty the Empress, sparing no effort to bring victory to Snezhnaya, sweeping through like the blizzards from the far north, and, like the never-melting rime of the Tsaritsa's Palace, penetrating your enemies' very bones with extreme cold. Her Majesty anticipates your loyalty, your ruthlessness, and your meticulous caution..."
On a small hillside in Lingju Pass, the Eleventh Harbinger, Childe, was pontificating to the new recruits of the Fatui, unaware that a colossal kite, flying shoulder-to-shoulder with small birds, was rapidly approaching them from the distant sky.
"Because the challenges we face are severe, and our enemies, such as… Huh? A kite? What a huge kite?!"
Childe looked up. A kite shaped like a giant Ruin Guard?!
Recalling what Teyvat had told him about a custom-made kite, his eyelids twitched. Could it be Teyvat? He hadn't told Feng Yi and Teyvat their address, how could they just bump into each other like this?! He wanted to give the Goddess of Fate a bad review!
Indeed, a few seconds later, he saw Teyvat running towards them, pulling the kite. It seemed the content of his speech would have to be 'appropriately' adjusted:
"Uh, kites, yes! Kites, and rattles, in the markets of Liyue, will become formidable competitors to the 'Ruin Guard'..."
Teyvat: Wow, Brother is here! The toy salesman giving a speech is so imposing!
Fatui Recruits: ???????
"Uh... as the saying goes, the battlefield is like a marketplace, I was just using an analogy."
Even at this point, Childe was still trying to salvage the situation. The Fatui recruits below were utterly stunned. Were the Executive's speeches always so vivid and engaging?
"Therefore, as your... ahem... Marketing Officer in Liyue, I demand that you prioritize my commands. Disobedience is betrayal, and the price of betrayal is expulsion from... expulsion from Liyue's 'Toy Research Institute'!"
Childe: If I say this, they'll use their brains and understand what I mean, right?
Teyvat: Wow, so strict... Being expelled from the Toy Research Institute must be very sad!
Fatui Recruits: Waibaobabu? The Executive must have a deeper meaning when he says this, right?
Feng Yi: This Liyue isn't a place we absolutely have to stay, is it, Childe?
However, Childe overestimated the comprehension of the recruits below. They exchanged blank stares, completely bewildered. He immediately realized that trying to manage both sides was impossible; it would be better to just...
"Forget it, let's just have a 'practical combat training' session."
Childe: If I beat them up a bit, they'll understand, right? Of course, the most important thing is to let these recruits witness his prowess, making it easier to command them in the future, which would also indirectly achieve the purpose of his lecture.
"Combat... training?"
"After all, um... a strong physique is the guarantee of sales..."
"Hey, just now... did the Executive say we're going to have combat training?"
The Fatui recruits doubted if they had heard correctly.
"Could it be that the Executive himself will spar with us? This, this is such an honor?!"
"Unbelievable, for new recruits like us... are we truly worthy?"
Childe: Rationally speaking, no, but it's simpler to beat you up than to try and manage explanations for both sides.
"What, any objections?"
"None!!!"
The Fatui recruits couldn't be happier, so why would they have objections?
"Good spirit—you, come at me together."
Childe praised them with a smile. The battle was imminent. Unlike in the game, as a Fatui Executive, Childe had these greenhorns on the ground in just a few exchanges.
"Now, do you understand what I wanted to say?"
After the battle, Childe clapped his hands and crossed his arms.
"Understood!"
Fatui Recruits: At this point, even if you don't understand, you have to pretend you do. That's social etiquette!
"Mm, your level... has reached a point where I can fully stretch my muscles. In other words, as new recruits, you are all excellent."
Seeing how understanding the recruits were, Childe also offered some praise.
"Thank you very much, Executive!"
"Shh, shh... Alright, I wish you all glory. For Snezhnaya, for Her Majesty, and for yourselves, dismiss!"
The recruits' exclamation of "Executive!" almost made all of Childe's efforts in vain. He quickly stopped them, uttered a few perfunctory words, and dismissed them.
"Brother! Brother is so amazing!"
Teyvat, who had been watching from the side, waved enthusiastically at his brother.
"Oh? Teyvat, you're here too! I thought your Brother Feng Yi and Sister Lumine took you kite-flying."
Childe feigned surprise.
Paimon: Ugh, what a clumsy act. Paimon thought this kind of acting could only fool naive children like Teyvat.
"Teyvat and Brother Feng Yi and Sister Lumine came here to fly kites, they just happened to run into Brother."
Teyvat felt lucky to have witnessed the training session for the new toy salesman.
"Is that so? Then Teyvat, you've been in Liyue long enough, isn't it time to head back on a ship?"
Childe hadn't expected to bump into them like this; fate was truly too absurd.
"Eh, but, but Brother, you've been so busy, you haven't really played with Teyvat..."
Teyvat looked crestfallen. Although he had fun, Teyvat preferred being with his brother.
"Teyvat, you know Brother's work is very busy... and besides, haven't Brother Feng Yi and Sister Lumine taken you to play enough?"
Childe just felt that if fate continued to be this absurd, it would be hard to keep his secret hidden.
"Then, then how about this, Brother grants Teyvat one wish, and Teyvat will obediently go back!"
"Hahaha... alright, tell me?"
Childe thought about it carefully; he hadn't really spent much time playing with Teyvat and felt a little guilty, so he nodded in agreement.
"I want to visit the 'Toy Research Institute' here!"
Upon hearing Teyvat say this, Paimon immediately thought of the ruins mentioned by the Millelith, where Ruin Guards often appeared. This was a very dangerous wish.
"Ah, this..."