Chapter 82: Dream Sweet
A/N This scene is really heavy on themes of suicidal ideation. Tread carefully if you find this triggering.
Malum Malus.
Apple recalled that from the memories he shared with Hermes. The ancient word for ’evil’ was ’malus’, while the ancient word for ’apple’ was ’malum’.
And so the forbidden fruit was portrayed as an apple.
So did Apple choose that name on purpose? Is it mere coincidence? Even he could not say, for when he first awakened he was truly like a newborn. And does anyone really recall their memories since birth?
But he only knew one thing.
He wanted to take and take and take. He wanted to consume. And he wanted to be the fruit that consumes the one who eats it, overwhelming them with sensations that felt right and wrong at the same time.
"Ahhh... You’re so rough today, Master..."
He added more pressure on biting that tiny Adam’s apple on Somner’s neck. His fangs protruded, and that seemed to be the wet blanket that got Somner to wake from his trance from this being’s slithering, sweet words.
"Wait... Master... Before we continue... Can I ask what happened back there? With the old man and the child... Where is he?"
But Apple couldn’t be bothered by his inquiry. "The child is safe. The old man... I was possessed by a fury that could not be stopped at that time. I feel sorry for his family."
He does not.
But he said these words with painted remorse.
"That is good to hear but..." Somner gently pushed his head away from his neck first so he could look him in the eye. "I’m more concerned about its effect on you—"
That was when Somner finally realized.
"Master... Your eyes. Like the sky and... and a dream. I can’t explain it." He raised his fingers to touch the space between Apple’s tear ducts.
"A dream, you say? Is it a good dream?" He said in the same teasing tone as Hermes would.
"... I don’t know. Like a DREAM dream. Something that you can’t really put in a box, that you can’t assign any labels on."
Apple tilted his head, then read Somner’s thoughts.
["Something’s wrong. But I can’t look away... I can’t move. And it feels so good when that happens."]
"Relinquishing control." Apple smiled. "That is your dream, isn’t it? Because deep down you know that all your control, your power, your influence... It’s all an illusion. Your free will is a lie. Your choices are all predetermined by your circumstances."
Somner’s eyes widened. "I... What are you..."
Apple gently sat him down on the couch, holding his hand. "It’s pitiful. How humans were forced to lie to themselves that they are the captain of this sinking ship. But at the same time, they have the knowledge that they are just following where the ocean takes them, and waiting for when it swallows them."
Somner knew Hermes does not speak like this. Hermes doesn’t philosophize this way... Or at least, he does not say it out loud. He was not as eloquent.
But at the same time...
It felt even truer to him, felt more honest.
He couldn’t stop listening, couldn’t stop yearning for more of his steady voice as he dictated what human life was like.
"You lived your life carrying the expectations of a hundred. A hundred... Including yourself. Somner C, the male heir." Apple read him like a book, like a narrator who was not swayed by the emotions in it, and so he could maintain his cadence.
No matter how painful Somner’s life story was.
"Your sister’s death was the first time you ever truly came face to face with it. Because all the deaths before, and all the deaths after... That was just part of your duty. Part of your hero image. Part of your duty to keep your hero image."
He ran his fingers through Somner’s hair, and Somner can feel the friction causing a surge of electricity in his scalp.
"You’re scared. Scared that the death of that old man, that stranger... Would be the same weight as how you carried Eris’ death. You wonder if the possibility of hurting others was going to put a toll on me. To the point that I would..."
Somner caught his breath, pleading. "Please. Don’t say it..."
Apple wickedly said it anyway. "That I would soon collapse from the pressure of it all, and end it."
"No, please... Don’t leave..." Somner couldn’t move.
It was bizarre, because he was truly frightened beyond measure. Yet at the same time, there was a strange addictive pleasure to experiencing that fear, of facing something so bleak that he had tried to cover up with his flamboyance.
"If it was you, you would. That’s why you’re scared. Because you know how heavy it all is." Apple leaned in to bite his neck again. "You know what being a hero was truly like, without the gilded butterflies and rose-tinted glasses."
Apple craved it. The blood, the pain, the truth.
He wanted to consume it, but he also wanted to relish it. To take his time, to truly know his prey.
"To lose control... That was the closest thing to death that you will experience without actually dying, isn’t it? To die, to sleep."
Somner felt a single tear fall from his eyes, as he released the secret that he had been hiding even from himself.
All the vanity, all the ego boost that he gave himself by acting like the best...
All that was being stripped away.
He was being undressed with every word, every revelation. And what was left was the frail, hideous thing inside him.
"Yes... I have thought about that. I have yearned for death. Ever since I was young."
Apple smiled. "No wonder you took pity on me that day. Do you recall? That day when you took me shopping, when I was devastated from knowing my nature... It’s because it takes one to know one. You recognized the signs. You felt me."
"Yes... I felt you." Somner hugged him closer, sobbing. "It’s hypocritical of me, but I didn’t want you to leave. Even when I want to."
"Oh, Somner..." The beast was pleased. "You want it to be me, don’t you? If death was inevitable... You want it to be your Master who will take your life."
Somner just slowly nodded, holding on tightly.
The beast had found this fruit had reached its prime, and it was finally time.
"Dream sweet, and rest."