A few months ago, Yarah and I attended the circus. We attended plays, listened to music, and watched acrobats perform feats of agility and dexterity. I remembered seeing a lioness. A deadly creature I had only read about until that day, sat behind iron bars, unable to run and hunt, to be its true self. Only now, as I practiced embroidery, did I understand the extent of her suffering.
I still practiced with all my will, determined to succeed, but the idea of spending the rest of my life like this was beyond depressing. Denice was a tyrant to me, never tolerating anything less than perfection. The rest of the girls thought she was harsh and enjoyed my torment, but she was actually teaching me more than the others. And so, the gap between us became even smaller. Six of us remained after weeks of training, the only ones who could be considered as good or better than me were either Gemma or Eleanor.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t had a chance to investigate magic any further. It felt like my mind fell asleep as if I were the waking machine whose purpose was to sew, make beds, and clean.
~
Finally, there were five. Some girl was sent home in tears the day prior. I couldn't care less about her or anyone else. The deal with Denice was at an end, and now we were in the final leg of our competition. I had the first opportunity, the last of what Denice owed me. So I walked towards Surian's room with a handful of new linens. The guard at the door glanced at me, nodded, and let me enter. The fineries of the luxurious room meant nothing to me. Though a few of the magical items were interesting.
Considering that the door to her bedchamber was still closed, she was either still sleeping or just rising. As trained, I walked to the door, knocked twice, and waited. Eventually, she bade me to enter.
She was wearing nothing but a thin shift to sleep in, sitting by her dresser, perusing an open box of jewelry. She looked into the mirror, trying on each earring and necklace. I couldn't even guess how much those items cost, yet in some moment of anger, she tore off all the jewelry, tossed them into the ornate box, and firmly closed it.
"Good morning, My Lady," I said, bowing to her as I entered.
She barely acknowledged my existence. Though she did offer a half-hearted wave as I went about my task. With practice eased, I stripped the bed of the old linens and made it as I was trained. I left with the old linens and returned a few minutes later.
"Would you like to dress before or after your morning meal, my lady?" I asked as I entered.
"I'll dress now. The white with the chartreuse embroidery."
‘Chartreuse?’
I stared at her, slightly confused. Noticing my confusion, she sighed as if she were speaking to an imbecile, "Greenish-yellow."
‘Do all mixed colors have fancy names? Well, this certainly is a poor start.’
I dressed her quickly and efficiently. Next were accessories. I figured silver with some emeralds would be better with the white and 'Chartreuse', but that, unfortunately, was also incorrect.
"It's winter season, girl, silver and emeralds aren't in fashion. Fetch the platinum and diamond," she said, staring at herself in the full-length mirror.
‘Why would the winter season mean no emeralds? Are all nobles this fashion crazy? I need to stop making mistakes.’
~
Surian sat and ate in silence. There was no conversation between us; she was the mistress and I was the servant, so I remained quiet as she ate. She picked at the food as if it were slop meant for pigs. The chicken looked perfectly cooked and encrusted with herbs that smelled heavenly. Even the vegetables and roasted potatoes looked delicious. She didn't even touch the pastries. After what felt like a few minutes, she stopped eating and said.
"I'll be in my room until my tutors arrive." She got up and, without a glance, walked away from her food, entered her room, and closed the door behind her.
I stared at the door and the plate in disbelief at how little she ate. It was expected that a servant would often eat the master's leftovers. It was one of the ways they demonstrated their superiority. I found it demeaning.
‘Was I some dog that she could throw her unwanted scraps at? I may be a commoner, but I wasn't that desperate.’
I shoved one of the pastries into my mouth as I berated Surian in my mind. I moved on to the potatoes, vegetables, and finally the chicken.
"Dear Anier, she eats like this every day."
A traitorous thought entered my mind.
‘It's better than Darion's cooking.’
A blasphemous thought to be sure, but as I tasted the perfectly seasoned and juicy chicken leg. I realized.
‘This is the most delicious meal I have ever eaten.’
~
Being a personal handmaiden was suffering. Standing around like a statue while Surian went about her day was the very definition of boredom. I could only question the sanity of the other girls for trying so hard to get the position. Her days were filled with tutoring, Music, language, math, and, most boring of all, history. Tea gatherings were the apex of my suffering; listening to the noble morons laugh and gossip made me want to kill someone. Throughout it all, I was ignored. The only part of my day of mild interest was helping her with the baths. I spent more time admiring her body than would be appropriate. At the very least, there wasn't any magic to read minds. I hoped.
At the end of each day, I took meals by the kitchen, then went to my secluded stretch of wall to admire the massive lake. The temperature was dropping, and in a few weeks, snow would fall. Even now, I could see my breath in the cold wind. Life in the keep was dull. I had no friends, nor did I feel keen on making any. Though I wouldn't have minded a decent conversation to pass the time. Peasants and the pretentious, however, made for poor company.
I thought of the lioness in the cage again. Her feral strength and power, held back by iron bars.
These walls are a cage. Everything felt like a cage. Anier's teaching, the temples, the rules of etiquette, the rules of law, entire systems designed to keep the beast within mankind locked away.
My mind drifted back to Clark, his blood on my hands, warm and wet—surprisingly thick and coppery. I remembered my heart thundering in my ears, the rush of terror and triumph.
‘I can't believe I miss that feeling.’
I breathed in the frigid air, tasting the bitter smell of wintergreen on the wind.
"I hate this place," I said aloud.
~
While the other four girls spent their time with Surian, I busied myself practicing more sewing, more folding, more nonsense. Apparently, another girl was dismissed after a single hour of serving her. Surian herself requested Eleanor to serve her for the rest of the day. Opportunities to converse with Surian were sparse. She never initiated conversation, and several more times, she corrected me when I chose some dress or color that wasn't in season, or whatever moronic justification people had for not wearing red in the last month of the year.
Surian was off practicing singing of all things, while I was relegated to cleaning her rooms. The most annoying task was her collection of jewelry. There was a box for each season. Some were decorated with fall pines with ice or a yellow sun. One box I never bothered to clean was a gift from her father that she refused to wear, and the same one she angrily closed. Taking out each piece of jewelry and polishing it to a mirror shine, only to close the box each day, was a waste of time since she never wore them.
The door to the other room opened and closed as people entered. Since the bedroom door was closed, I had to listen through the door. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear much other than muffled conversation. Though I could recognize it was the magus and Surian. She had lessons from her once a week, most were in Elis's study, and I wasn't foolish enough to attempt to eavesdrop again. So, I finished my polishing and opened the door, intending to leave quickly.
I found the room empty.
I shrugged, guessing that they only entered for a moment. I turned to leave, since they would ask me to during their lesson, regardless. It wouldn't be the first time. Then I saw five books stacked on the dining table—Gilded books.
I sprinted and grabbed the one on top. They had no title or author on the cover, but all had the same symbol on Elis's Medallion.
"It's in Falacian," I exclaimed. My heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears.
"The Ocularum of Arcane Circles and Magical Formulae." I read the bold, flowing text on the first page. I turned to the next.
'
Magic is both science and art. Limited by imagination and the very rules that govern the universe. We, practitioners of magic, tap into that nature, bending it to our will. All Magi, from the greatest arch magus to the lowest apprentice, use energy as a medium to affect reality. The single greatest rule and limitation is the immutable truth that energy cannot be created from nothing; it can only be transformed and transferred. This process......
'
A key was slotted into the lock on the door, and I just managed to hear the bolt opening. Time seemed to slow.
‘I can't run; I'll look guilty. Should I place it back? Would she notice that one of the books was opened? Dammit, what do I do? Getting caught like this was a grave error. I was too absorbed in the moment. If they open the door and see me standing near the books, they could assume I was trying to read it. Who knows what the consequences would be if they thought I was trying to learn magic? Think. Think. Think. What should I do?’
An idea formed.
‘I can still make this work. It's not over for me yet.’
I placed the book back on the stack and grabbed all five, turned towards the reading area. Three steps later, the door opened. Why would I be concerned? After all, I was just doing my duty. I didn't stop or turn back to see who had entered.
‘Why are they just watching me silently?’
After I reached halfway across the room to the bookshelves, Elis's voice chilled me to the bone.
"What are you doing with those books, girl?"
A man screaming at the top of their lungs in rage was quite intimidating. But the cold promise of death that came from Elis was truly terrifying. I turned to see Surian and Elis standing there. Surian looked angry, but she was little more than a puppy compared to Elis.
Her eyes were dead, no emotion, no anger, no frustration. I felt, in that moment, that if I answered incorrectly, she would kill me.
‘I am a simple maid. I finished cleaning, noticed random books sitting on the table, and decided to put them away. I have nothing to be guilty of; in fact, I'm so stupid that I don't even recognize the danger I'm in.’
‘I AM A SIMPLE MAID.’
"Putting them away," I said as if she were the one asking strange questions.
"Were you not assigned to clean the bedroom only?" Elis asked.
"Yes," I answered as if it were obvious.
"Then why do you have those books in your hand?"
My eyes flicked from Elis to Surian as if I was just now realizing I was in trouble.
"I's just doin' my job. D-did I do somethin' wrong?"
Just barely, a small amount of the promise of death left Elis's eyes. The accent slip always adds to the authenticity of a lie.
"Didn't we just agree that cleaning the rest of the room wasn't your job?" Surian said.
‘Thank you, Surian, perfect question for me to exonerate myself. I don't even have to lie.’
"Well, yuh see. Denice said that just cause some mess ain't in our perview, don't mean it ain't ours to deal wit'. Swear by Anier 's all I's doin'." I might have gone so far in my village drawl that Surian couldn't understand me, since she looked more confused than angry.
Elis calmed down, and the aura of death disappeared.
‘Perhaps I can become an actor?’
"Place them back on the table. Then leave," Elis said calmly.
"Okay," I said and did as she ordered.
Just as I was about to pass them, Elis said quietly, though still rather threatening, "In the future, take your job literally, touch nothing beyond what you were told."
"Yes, Lady Magus, a thousand apologies."
~
I left the room, my heart slowing. As I considered what those books were.
‘Arcane circle and magical formulae.’
My mind immediately went back to the circle inside the energy furnace and the strange, interconnected symbols.
‘Those books contained the secrets of magic. There can be no other explanation of Elis's reaction. Binding, Animus, energy transfer, and transformation. I will have those books. I will learn. I will become a magus. Nothing will stop me.’
I smiled. Feeling alive again.
‘This is what I need. These walls, these rules, and false comforts keep me locked away. It is all a lie, an illusion created by those in power. Magic wasn't some ancient mystic art that only the select few could learn. ‘
I remembered how I hated those villagers and their meaningless lives. Day after day, they toiled endlessly, eking out a pathetic existence, only to die not ten feet away from where they were born. That would not be my fate. I can see the bars trapping me.
The power of a Magus shall free me.