Chapter 142: The Cuntiest, Sexiest Outfits Ever[June’s POV]
I cried until my head started to ache.
The kind of ugly crying where you gasp for air, and your pillow is so soaked with snot, mascara, and tears.
"Insecurities are so dumb," I sniffled, glaring at the ceiling. "Like why do they always come after us the hardest when we’re teenagers? Like hello, we have zero clue what we’re doing with our lives, and somehow figuring out if people like us or not. But nooo, insecurities are like...’let me ruin your self-esteem too.’
I laughed. Then cried harder. Then laughed while crying.
"It’s like the pressure to fit in, look good, have perfect skin, a perfect body, be smart, funny, chill, but not too chill....it’s exhausting. I hate this feeling. It makes me feel so... small. Like I’m never enough. Like I’m never... pretty enough."
At some point, my body gave up. I must’ve dozed off mid cry, as my face still pressed to my soggy pillow.
The next thing I knew, Dad yelled through the hallway.
"Honey! Your friends are here. Ash and Marcus! They’re coming upstairs!"
I shot up immediately. "What?!"
My phone lit up with the time. 5:30 pm. Crap.
Panic set in. My face was a wreck. Puffy red eyes, red nose, hair like I just got electrocuted.
I ran to the bathroom, splashed water on my cheeks, patted them dry with the towel and packed my hair in a messy ponytail.
Then...knock knock.
I opened the door.
And there they were.
Ash’s arms were crossed like he was ready to scold me, but his eyes softened the second they landed on my face.
Marcus, tucked his hands in his pocket, peeking in with this soft smile.
"Hi, guys," I sniffled.
"Juney, you weren’t replying to our texts," Ash said immediately. "We wanted to make sure you’re okay."
"Yeah," Marcus added. "We figured, if you weren’t home, we’d just wait for you in your room."
I gave them the weakest smile ever. "I’m glad you’re here. Sorry, I... slept off."
Marcus glanced around the room. "Your dad said you weren’t in a good mood... Who broke your heart?"
Ash elbowed him so hard he actually winced. "Ow! Dude."
I forced out a laugh. "I’m okay. For real, just exhausted."
Ash didn’t look convinced. "Okay? June, you haven’t even started your hair or makeup. We were literally supposed to be leaving for the party in like... an hour."
"Oh, about that." I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. "I’m not going. I just... don’t feel like it. I want to stay home this weekend."
Both of them froze, staring at me.
"So something’s definitely wrong," they said in unison, narrowing their eyes.
Next thing I knew, they each grabbed one of my arms and marched me toward my bed. Ash flopped down, stretching his legs to remove his sneakers.
Marcus sat too, pulling a pillow into his lap like he was settling in for therapy session.
"You guys can just go without me," I muttered.
Marcus laughed. "June, are you kidding me? You literally spammed us last night about how we ’needed to stop being nerds and actually live a little.’ You sent like... six voice notes and texts convincing me. And now suddenly you don’t want to go?" His voice softened. "If you’re not going, I’m not going either."
Ash crossed his arms. "Same. We’re gonna sit here and watch you sulk unless you tell what’s actually wrong."
My throat closed. They were staring at me, waiting, I thought maybe I should just spill everything. The almost kiss. Ian’s cruel words.
The way he cracked my confidence. But, if I did, they were only going to hate him more.
Marcus’s grip tightened just slightly on the pillow in his lap, like he was holding himself back.
But instead, I swallowed it all down. "I just... feel off. Insecure. Like I’m not enough. Not pretty enough. Like... everyone else has something I don’t. And it sucks."
Silence.
Then Marcus stood up. He didn’t even hesitate. He reached out and tilted my chin gently so I had to meet his eyes. His thumb brushed lightly against my jaw.
"You’re kidding me, right? June, don’t ever say that again."
My stomach flipped.
"You have no idea how pretty you are, do you?" he continued. "You’ve got these soft features that... God, people would kill for. And you light up a room without even trying. Half the time you don’t even notice it. But trust me, I notice."
Heat rushed to my cheeks.
Ash leaned back on my bed. "Yeah, Marcus is right. Cos babe, you’re ridiculously pretty."
Then he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Like... if I was straight, I’d totally ask you out. But since I’m not, I’ll just settle for being your fabulous best friend. So, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not."
I burst out laughing, even tho my eyes stung.
God, I loved them.
The pressure in my chest loosened.
Maybe I was enough.
At least to them.
"Fine," I sniffled, wiping my nose on my sleeve like the elegant queen I am. "I love you guys so much."
Ash leaned over and squeezed my arm. "Insecurities happen to the best of us, Juney. Seriously, even me. I even still felt insecure yesterday, when I went that locker room." He whispered.
"Really? Ash, you’re gorgeous," I widened my eyes.
"I’m not kidding," Ash continued. "There are days I look in the mirror and I’m like... ew. I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate everything. And then the next day, I try to love myself again. It’s a cycle. But it doesn’t mean you’re actually not enough, it just means your brain’s being a hater."
Marcus nodded. "Same here. I’ve felt like that too. Like nothing I do is good enough. Like maybe people only see me as the ’janitor’s kid’ and not... me. But June, it’s just noise. None of it changes who you actually are."
Something about hearing both of them admit that... it made me breathe a little easier. Maybe it wasn’t just me being broken. Maybe it was just... human.
I sat up straighter, wiping the last of my tears away. "You know what?" My voice cracked. "I know what’s gonna make us feel better."
Ash perked up. "What?"
"We," I declared, pointing between the three of us, "are going to that party. In the cuntiest, sexiest outfits ever. And we are going to have fun, no matter what. And that’s on period."
Ash literally squealed, throwing his hands in the air. "Now that’s my Juney!"
Marcus chuckled, shaking his head, but I caught the smile he was trying to hide.
I jumped off the bed and yanked my wardrobe doors open.
Clothes went flying. Tops, skirts, sparkly dresses, even that one skirt I swore I’d never wear in public.
Ash gasped dramatically. "It’s happening. Quick Marcus, be the cameraman."
"Why me?" Marcus groaned. "Fine, now it’s going to be a fashion show."
I don’t care what Ian Han or anyone else thinks.
If my best friends say I’m pretty, then I’m pretty. Period. End of discussion. I don’t need to prove it to anyone, not even Ian Han.
Behind me, Ash clapped his hands. "Tonight, we are serving cunt."
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