Magic was a science, not an art.
I wasn't entirely sure what order the books should have been read, but the Ocularum of Arcane Circles and Magical Formulae seemed like the most logical one to start with. Magic wasn't some ancient mystical art that only the truly greatest minds, chosen by the Goddess and blessed with noble blood, could perform.
Magic was based on the concept of manipulating matter and energy. It was done through a combination of Arcane circles and Magical formulae.
Each miracle of magic, regardless of its power and complexity, relied on a source and a load. The source provided the energy needed for the load to affect the physical world.
The symbols were called runes. Each rune, 256 in total, defined a physical or metaphysical concept. A single rune can have many definitions depending on use, intention, and interpretation. The rune ‘Nuar' was primarily recognized as fire. However, it could also mean change, life, renewal, anger, flexibility, and determination. Similarly, the water rune "Mahn" could mean calm, death, decay, erosion, or flow. A magical formula composed of connecting these runes in a specific order to define a phenomenon.
Both the source and load were created using these runes. The combination of circle and magical formulae was the Arcane Circle. The circle provided what was called a sphere of influence. This defined the volume at which the runes could affect the physical world. This volume was a sphere at the center of the arcane circle with the same diameter. Both the source and load followed this rule. The connection between the two Arcane circles created an Arcane Circuit.
The source was the simplest part of what was called an Arcane Circuit. There were only two sources provided in the Ocularum: one called potential energy degradation and heat absorption.
They worked completely differently, but both served the same purpose. Which was to convert the energy inside the sphere of influence to what was defined as primal energy, then transmit this energy across an arcane binding to the load. This energy would then be used to create magical phenomena defined in the runes.
Potential energy degradation had a complex network of runes, but essentially worked by degrading a material to absorb the potential chemical energy. The material being used had to be meticulously defined within the runes for it to work. Conveniently, wood had its own rune, so it was the easiest. However, anything that could burn could be used. It was enormously inefficient; almost 90% of the energy would be used to sustain the degradation of the material, leaving only 10% for the load.
Making a fire wasn't simple since fire needed a fuel source. This was where the four fundamental transformations a magus can perform came in. The first was the transformation of substance. Any complex substance can be decomposed into its component elements and then reconstructed into something else. Water, for example, can be decomposed into two different gases. The formula called candle worked through this decomposition and recomposition process, turning the very substance of the air into a flammable gas. With a small amount of heat, it could be ignited.
The second and third forms of transformation were form and state. The two were interchangeable depending on interpretation. A transformation of form could be moving, rotating, pushing, or pulling. For whatever reason, heating was the same as movement. State was usually associated with changing an object's physical properties by applying heat or changing the pressure inside the sphere of influence. This usually resulted in melting or boiling. A magus could, if they had enough skill, morph the shape of the matter inside the sphere into anything they could imagine. Using a combination of state and form transformation. A block of iron could be turned into a sword if they could successfully heat and mold the object. However, such precise direct manipulation of a material required enormous skill and a significant amount of primal energy, compared to simply moving a solid piece of iron.
There was a fourth called The Transformation of Nature, but nothing was provided other than the name.
Taking the source, load, and transformations into consideration, the number of things a Magus could do was infinite.
The simplest form of energy generation was heat absorption from the air, though all materials, so long as they could be defined by the runes, could be used. It was at that moment, I understood how the energy furnaces and magical stoves worked.
The final puzzle to make any arcane circuit work was the binding. The source and load runes had to be connected using a specific combination of spoken runes. A magus had to know the location of both arcane circles, the runes that created them, and the size of the sphere of influence; also, have a proper understanding of both the runes and the underlying scientific principles in the phenomena which they were trying to create.
There were two basic types of bindings, focused and unfocused. Focused bindings required the Magus to actively focus on maintaining the connection between the source and load. These bindings are the most powerful, and with enough skill, a magus can increase the size of the sphere of influence beyond the defined circle. They could also actively modulate the strength of the binding to regulate the power of a circuit. Unfocused bindings were static; once set, they were bound to the sphere of influence and were inherently limited in terms of power, almost a tenth the strength of a focused binding, though this could be increased with enough skill.
Load, source, and binding: three things all magic needed to function. It was simple to understand, but no matter what I tried, nothing worked.
~
"Dammit all. Why won't it work?" I screamed as I stared at the arcane circles drawn on the floor.
After I left the two women's bodies on the cliff for predators to pick apart, I made my way down the hill, spending half of my days reading. About a two-day walk from the border town, I found a small wooden home. It was a single-room cottage with a broken-down door, rotted floors, and a massive hole in the ceiling. At the very least, the hearth looked intact. All the furniture was broken or rotted away. The place had to be abandoned for years. I found the body of what I thought was a man, judging by the scraps of clothes that clung to his bones. The corpse was so old it didn't even smell. So, I tossed the bones out the back of the house and made it my home for the time.
There were very few tools, but all were rusted and damaged to uselessness. However, there were a few coals in the fireplace, though I had nothing to start a fire. That was why I focused so hard on mastering the Arcane Circuit for the Candle. There was even a stream around an hour's walk away where I could wash myself.
No matter how many times I said the binding or redrew the Arcane circle, I failed repeatedly.
With anger, I brushed away the circuit, paying close attention to the swirls and curves of the runes, 34 in total for the load. Then, focusing on the source runes, 144 of them for the two circles, I closed my eyes and muttered the binding. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes to see nothing.
I screamed in anger and tossed my piece of coal across the room. It smashed into the wall and fell to the floor.
'I have to be missing something.'
I sighed, opened the Ocularum, and started reading what had to be a fifth time through.
~
Another three weeks passed with failure. I was starving, forced to subsist on berries and nuts I could find in the forest. I tried every circuit in the book. I tried carving it into stone, wood, my clothes, even onto the dead man's skull. My anger grew so intense that I considered carving my flesh. Fortunately, cooler heads won, and I dropped my knife.
"What am I missing? I've tried everything." I shouted. At this point, I memorized all 256 runes and could draw the circuits from memory.
"Was this all pointless? Did I murder nobility for nothing? Anier, is this my punishment? To have what I want and still be a failure."
"No, no, no, no. I just have to keep trying. Surely it will work eventually."
I shot to my feet, grabbed the charcoal, and kept working.
~
The floors, walls, everything, were covered in circles and runes. Not a single one worked. Over another week, everything ended in bitter failure. I sat against a wall, staring at the insane scribbles that decorated the wooden shack. I stopped trying to draw circles. Stopped reading the Ocularums. I hadn't eaten anything for two days. No matter how long I worked, how often I tackled the problem, I remained a failure. The only conclusion was that there was something I was missing outside of the books, necessary for magic.
~
I screamed as I woke from a nightmare. Bren was holding me down in Lakeshore's town square, lashing me while everyone laughed and cheered.
"That was a bad one," I mumbled.
I got up, walked into the forest, heading to the stream. I hadn't drawn a circle in several days. Instead, I spent my time moping. The morning was chilly, but not too cold. The small oaks swayed in the wind, carrying the scent of earth and leaves. A bird sang in the distance. The morning sun broke through the trees, creating beautiful rays of golden light.
I smiled, remembering how the forest comforted me as a child.
"When was the last time I just sat down?"
I sighed, ripped off my clothes, and waded into the small stream. It was only five feet wide and not even deep enough to cover my thighs. Lying in the stream and I slowly lowered my head, the water only reaching my brow, and I pondered my problem.
'Was this hard for Surian? Had to be, since she never used magic the entire time we were running away. Odd since she had a master to teach her. She should have had access to whatever I'm missing.'
Something tickled the back of my mind. A short conversation I overheard while delivering food.
‘Surian couldn't achieve something called an Animus.’
I sat up, splashing water everywhere.
"Animus! The books never mentioned the concept. Surian couldn't achieve it and couldn't use magic. Was that the key?"I shouted.
'Why wouldn't it be in the book?'
The obvious answer stared me in the face.
‘Because it is the key, you idiot. Why would they write down the single most important part of doing magic? That would also explain why Surian never used magic. You can’t use magic without an Animus.’
Elis mentioned her master told her to fly, and she jumped off a roof, breaking her leg.
"That's what I'm missing. I needed to convince myself of the impossible."
"But how do I do that? How do I make myself believe in the impossible? It had to be those exercises Elis mentioned."
~
I stood in the center of the small cottage, staring at a wall covered in my insane drawings.
‘I just need to convince myself that I can walk through it. Easy enough.’
It wasn't easy. Try as I might, I couldn't make myself believe I could walk through the walls without some kind of magic. Even after staring at the wall for half a day, I reached nowhere.
'How do you convince someone of the impossible?'
There was no answer. Minutes turned into hours of trying to push my mind into that insane level of belief. Still, nothing worked. I got angrier by the hour until I eventually had to release it.
I stepped outside, stared up at the sky, and shouted, "Fine then. I will never leave this forest until I achieve this Animus nonsense. " I sat at one corner of the cottage, staring at the far wall.
‘I was too hasty, believing that magic would come easily. No, it wouldn't. I need to dedicate myself fully, my whole being. Either succeed or die, Myr.’
So, I sat and stared at the wall, refusing to think about anything else. Night fell, and eventually I fell asleep. The next morning, I relieved myself and consumed whatever scraps I could find, then continued staring at the wall.
~
The world outside didn't exist; only the wall, only the belief. The wood was cracked and dried. It was a small miracle that the cottage didn't collapse. The floors creaked at even the slightest movement. Wind caused an odd whistling through the many gaps in the wall. 57 individual planks made up the south wall of the cottage.
~
Do trees feel when you cut them down? If so, then are we guilty of tree murder? What if trees can communicate? What if they're all screaming in terror every time a woodsman enters the forest, axe in hand? Not to mention burning the wood. I can’t even imagine the horror it must be to the trees to see their brethren cut down and turned into a house.
~
Am I a tree? Perhaps we're all trees in the end. Waiting to be cut down and turned into something else. If I were a tree, I'd like to be an oak.
~
'
Myr sat against the north wall. She was gaunt from not eating for several days. Her hair was a rat's nest. She even abandoned her clothes. Poor child, she might die in this forest. She should leave.
Myr started mumbling incoherently. People got like that when they ate or drank too little. Then she sat up, shouting at nothing.
"Shut up, Aalis. It will work; I just need to figure it out. I'm actually doing something while you're stuck in Farway."
"Ha, you think spreading your legs for Brandon is impressive? Go ahead, I don't care what you tell them."
Myr shook her fists at nothing. Then her head focused on the fireplace.
"Would you have taught me? I made a choice, never learning magic or killing you. As far as I'm concerned, I can do it without you."
"Oh, really? I'll prove you wrong. I'll prove all of you wrong."
Myr sprinted to the wall shoulder-first. She collapsed and then fell to the floor.
"It’s going to work, mother, you'll see," Myr shouted, then walked to the opposite end of the room and tackled the wall again. With a pained grunt, she fell.
"You never suffered a day in your life. That's why you couldn’t figure it out. That's why I killed you. No one deserves this more than me." Myr tackled the wall two more times until she bled from her shoulder.
"I don't need your help. I don't want your secrets. I can figure it out." This time, she used her left shoulder only to collapse to the ground again in pain.
"QUIET! None of you are real; hell, four of you are dead." Myr started laughing. "If none of you are real, this is all in my mind, so be quiet and disappear."
Myr looked surprised as whatever phantoms haunted her did just that. Then she stared at the wall. "If I can make them disappear, then I can do anything.”
Her laugh became a mad cackle.
“That’s right, I can do anything. Including….”
This time, she sprinted towards the wall and collided face-first. Then crumpled to the ground, unmoving.
'
Pain was everywhere. My arm fell asleep from my awkward position, crumpled against the south wall. I shook my head as I recalled the strange dream, where I watched myself run into a wall like a madwoman.
Then the memories returned. The hallucinations of my family, people I killed, felt so real at the time. Then was my madness. I tried to break through the wall. The lump on my forehead and split lip were enough proof of the last attempt. It was such a strange thing, remembering a break in your sanity. Not eating for... however long it had been.
"Wait a moment," I said aloud as I sifted through my memories. In those last moments, I genuinely believed that I would have just kept going instead of knocking myself out.
I did achieve it! It was just for a moment, but I did achieve the Animus.
I looked at the many circles decorating the walls, eager to try.
‘No, no more rushing. Do it again, but first, eat. It's been at least some time.’
~
It took another five days for me to slip my mind into the animus again. I stared at the wall, completely understanding that it was impossible to walk through it. Yet I knew I could.
I bumped into the wall; utter confusion plastered on my face.
‘Why wasn't I walking through it? I know I could, so what was happening? Have I gone mad?’
The animus broke, and my mind returned to normal. Then I laughed at myself. It was such a strange feeling as my beliefs and entire worldview of reality warped.
‘Keep going, Myr. Don't stop until you can do it on command.’
~
Four days later, I sat by the small stream holding a rock. I activated the Animus again, believing without question that the rock would float when I dropped it into the stream.
I dropped it in and nearly bolted away from the demon lake that defied reality. However, unlike last time, I maintained my focus. Still staring at the rock in confusion.
Then I allowed the Animus to dissolve, and reality returned to normal.
'That's four times in one day.'
~
After another week, I could do it almost instantly. It was like any skill, practice increased speed. I did a dozen exercises, testing the limit of what I could convince myself of.
One interesting trick I learned was, if I convinced myself I could run faster than the wind. I could sprint at top speed, pushing myself beyond exhaustion; however, as soon as I released the animus, my body collapsed, and I feared I was about to have a heart attack. The pain in my limbs lasted for days.
I took a deep breath and said, "It's time."
~
I sat on the banks of the stream, sitting on a large rock. To my left was the Arcane circle for potential energy degradation with a bundle of sticks in the middle, and to my right, the Arcane circle for Candle.
I activated my Animus again, this time, solidifying the circuits in my mind. I imagined how the circuit would react to my will, degrading the wood, converting potential energy to primal energy, and sending it from the source rune to the load rune. Then, using that energy to decompose and recompose the air and finally heat it to create a flame. It took longer than before because the idea I was solidifying in my mind was far more complex. But it was there, the two circles in my mind, the spheres of influence, the path the energy would take.
Then I spoke, repeating the runes for a focused binding. My mind, will, soul, and Animus all focused on this single circuit. As I spoke the last binding rune, the world shifted. I could feel the binding solidify, and the wood inside the source started to blacken. Energy flowed along an ethereal channel from source rune to load rune. My will and the runes combined decomposed the air and recomposed it to make it flammable. I watched as, from the center of the circle on my right, a small flame flickered to life.
There was no surprise in me. Why would there be? No one would be shocked if I threw dried leaves on a fire. So why would I be surprised that the Arcane circuit was working? Several minutes passed, and the wood slowly turned to ash. Then, without enough primal energy to fuel the circuit, the flame flickered out.
Nodding calmly at the success. I released the Animus.
As reality restored itself, I breathed in heavily, a grin spreading across my face as I realized what I had just done.
I laughed harder than I ever had in my entire life. I stood, hands spread wide, laughing at Anier, my mother, Bren, my brothers, and my sister, at Clark, Surian, Gemma, and Elis.
'Are you watching me, Emyr? Are you proud?'
I shouted as loud as I could, as if it could echo across the entire world, to the lands of both living and dead.
"I am a Magus."